Kids! What's Not to love? Plus laugh!

The school year is wrapping up. Here are some chuckles I have saved over the last few months. Enjoy!

On a very cold winter day, in the school yard on duty, little Tina runs up to me and says, "Madame, you are all BUNNED up!"

We were doing a body/brain break on You Tube, which was quite a lively dance work-out. The video was ending soon so I let the children know that.  One chubby little sweetie immediately commented with "I  am happy about that!" 

One particular Grade 5 student with whom I have a special bond, and with whom I share seven second hugs the first time I see her in any given day, came up to me after a class in the library one day. She  whispered to me quietly, and almost reluctantly, the following.  "Madame, some students think you are too STRICT!" That made my day!

In music class, when I asked a class of Grade One students if the instrument they had just seen in a cartoon video, was a clarinet, I was told emphatically by one little one... "NO! It's a stick!

Asking how many students there were in their class, as I brought them to the gym, as I always count heads, I was told by one... "We are missing one!" :)

Grade 5 - "Madame, you are 69? DANG!!!"

Grade 5 - "Madame, you are my SECOND favourite teacher." I will take it, his home room teacher being the first, of course. 

During a math activity in Grade One, the response I wanted to my question, "If you put a plus sign here, you will get a big, fat ...? I wanted ZERO as a response but I received COW!

In the same Grade One class, a big box of pencils fell unexplicably off the shelf, and scattered everywhere, whereupon Jason explained, "It was probably a flying pancake!" Huh? He had been writing about "colossal pancakes" so that was his mindset. 

Grade One again! Me: You have to take your plant home because there is no one here to water it on the weekend. Reply from Alex? "Teachers stay here on the weekend!" I burst out laughing right there. 

The same little one informs me in the same day, that his Grandmother is coming to visit from Morocco. When I asked him how long his grandmother was going to be in Canada, he replied "SIX years and FIVE days." How accurate can you get?

When playing a two team multiplication game in Math with a Grade Four class, in my instructions I added that I did not want to hear any derogatory words starting with L, such as LOSER, when the game was over.  To which one quick witted child sang out "LEMON!" 

A kindergartener when I was on late bus duty, poked me and exclaimed  "I NEMBER you!

Telling one particular little scamp that he had had a good day in class, as I walked him to the bus, he replied, "Tell my Mom and Dad!" When I said I had no way of communicating with them, he had an answer. "Maybe I could call you on my IPad. What's your account number?"

Believe it or not!!! 

Well, it’s been a while!

I had stopped blogging as the pandemic dragged on, because I was wallowing in the murk too much. Then, when we finally had what seemed to be the « last wave » come and go, I was too busy trying to get those two years plus back, to think of sitting down in front of a computer, and blogging. Hell, I had to get out in the world again, and really LIVE! 

Which is what I have been doing, in spades and my adventures have continued, and since I continued to supply teach, I have continued writing down those funny, touching, cute and wacky things children say. 

So here are at least a year’s worth! 

I had a student in Grade One read me his pattern book. “My dog can play. My dog can run. I can watch TV.  I can play with my dog. I can pee in the toilet.” 

“It might be weird but I like the smell of bug spray.” Riley in Kindergarten. 

K -Piper confides the following to me “Cohen is a bully. I already know that.” 

Grade One French Immersion: “Beaucoup de people get mixed up with mon nom”, said Abby. 

“I am your guy when it comes to batteries” declared Alex, in Grade 2 FI. He had told me that my problem with the Smartboard, was my keyboard. He informed me that he had told his teacher that the day before, that the keyboard needed new batteries. It was worth a try. So I sent him off to the office to get new batteries, and sure enough, that was the problem! 

The same little scamp, another day, retorts “I don't have to speak French yet. The bell didn't ring.” (He had just rolled his eyes at me when I told him he should be speaking French).  Then he turns around two minutes later, speaks French, and when I give him a Bravo ticket ( gives him a chance to win a prize at the end of the week, from a draw),his response was a loud  "SWEET HOME ALABAMA!"

In Grade Two, filling in temporarily for another teacher, I asked a student what she called her teacher, because some teachers use their first name. I said, "Is it Ms Ali?” “Well, yeah, that's her name!” As if to say, DUH!"

In another primary English class, where I always tell the children to call me Madame Duguay, or Madame, one pipes up, "" I can say your name, Madame Dickie!" 

Mike, while reading a book aloud about where something is hiding, reads “It hides in the bathroom." Then he adds, voce sotto, and bending close to me, declares "It's pooping!" 

In Grade One French Immersion, one student was being the "Mini Prof" and asking the others questions. He had drawn the name of one student who was in the washroom at the moment, which happens to be in the classroom. I was sitting between the mini prof and the bathroom, so I very loudly repeated the question to the one in the bathroom, as a kind of joke, and thinking it would be really funny if they piped up the answer.  One child looked at me very serously and said, " You can't DO that!", meaning I couldn't ask them a question when they were in the bathroom.  I agreed, but thought to myself, "I am the teacher: I can do anything." LOL

I was distributing $ in a Grade Five class, money that they could accumulate to buy prizes at the end of the week. I gave one student $100 and said it was given because of "gentillesse" which no one seemed to understand, so I asked the whole class, "I gave the $100 for "gentillesse" so what do you think I gave the money for? One answer? For the Book Fair? 

In one Grade One FI, we were doing the Canada Food Guide, so the kids were cutting up pictures from magazines and flyers, and gluing the cut-outs under the correct food group heading, ie. Fruits and Vegetables, Dairy Products, etc. I thought they were doing really well, until little Emmett asked me so seriously, "How do you say "dog food" in French, Madame?" OMG, I had to tell him that dog food does NOT belong in any of Canada's Food Groups. 

“ I don't have a sister or brother, but I have a dog brother.” said a tad wistfully by a wee one in Kindergarten.

TURNING THE TABLES... on Road Rage?

I was driving along the main drag in our fair city recently, when NOT 100 metres from a pedestrian crosswalk, OUT stepped a young, very curly, long haired young man, from between two parked cars, waving his arms in the air.  I tend to notice men with hair, especially as I age.  I enjoy seeing a full head of hair on any young person, really.  What was I talking about? Oh yeah, this young fella stepping out onto a busy street, from out of nowhere.

Well, I didn't really know what he was waving his arms about, but I was NOT about to stop and find out.  I would have had to SLAM on my brakes, and possibly be rear ended by a car behind me, so I kept on going. I did look up at my rear view mirror, only to see him give ME the finger... le DOIGT D'HONNEUR.  FRANCHEMENT!!!!  I guess he had wanted me to stop to let him cross the street.  Well, I just said to myself, "Listen young man, use the crosswalk.  Don't they teach you SOMEWHERE, never to step out from between parked cars?"

I thought no more of the incident, because in two minutes I was at my destination, the waterfront parking lot, where I had business with my seamstress. I had no sooner parked, turned OFF my car, and was putting on my mask, when another car pulled up RIGHT beside me.  Music was blaring, plus the muffler was busted and making an ear splitting racket.  Guess who was at the wheel?  None other than the young man who had just given me the finger!  I know hair when I see it.  It was him!

My first thought was, "OMG, road rage. He has followed me here and is about to tear a strip off me!"  What else could it be?  I drive a BRIGHT, neon green Mazda, with a Canadian flag fluttering in the wind, on the roof top antennae.  You can spot me miles away.  He was out to get me! (My imagination tends to run wild, the older I get!)

When I entered the parking lot, I had noticed there were two men wearing security vests, not 50 metres from where I was parked, so I decided right then and there, to bite the bullet and nip this possible nasty encounter, right in the bud!  Tuer l'oeuf dans le coque, comme qu'on dit.  These men would be witnesses to a possible nasty encounter, and would surely come to my rescue, if need be? 

I jumped out of Jiminy and went RIGHT up to this guy's window, which was rolled up. He was absorbed on his phone.  I rapped smartly on the window. He looked up, obviously startled, and all wide eyed.  I waved my ARMS and spreading them wide, slowly articulated with my mouth,  so that he could read my lips, "I DID NOT see you back there!"  He looked scared, nodded, smiled and looked down at his phone again, kind of fluffing me off.

By this time, I was on a roll. I rapped on his window again: he looked up, now decidedly embarrassed, wanting to get rid of me, smiling benevolently, but still NOT rolling down his window.  Well, I gave HIM the finger, by wagging my finger back and forth, and mouthed the words, "NO more giving me the finger, okay? That's not nice! " He nodded vigourously, smiled, and went back to staring at his phone.  So our one sided conversation was OVER, I guess?

I finally trotted off, happy to have gotten MY message across, and thinking, "Don't mess with little old, white haired ladies!" 

Dear Hana:

As one of your teachers, I did my report Friday, indicating the results of my "Good for Kids" assignment at your school.  That four week assignment was to help you and other students in French Immersion bring up your reading levels a bit by giving you some much needed extra time, one-on-one, or in small group setting. 

I was in a deeply reflective mood, as I tabled the results.  All students who were able to be helped, were able to advance, and what a wonderful feeling that was, for themselves, their teachers, their principal, and for me. It had been a team effort all the way. 

When I saw your name on my list four weeks ago, I remembered you right away, from Kindergarten, then Grade One, Grade Two and now here you were, in Grade Five.  Still with beautiful, long, dark, wavy brown hair, and a shy, sweet smile. 

Teachers remember students for different reasons. I have a tendency to remember the scamps (one Claudio Ippopolito comes to mind!), the students who need more love and attention than others, the super bright ones, the new ones in a classroom, the neglected ones, and students like you, super quiet, almost timid and so undemanding. 

You were right beside me first thing every morning for two weeks. We chatted while going down the hall from your classroom to my cubby, and then we went to work.  I could tell when you had read the night before, with your grandmother who lives with you, because you did so well. Not many people know how to properly pronounce the plural of eggs, in French. You did! 

That Friday morning you were a little quieter than usual. When I asked if you were feeling well, you merely replied that you were tired.  

The next day your mom brought you to the hospital because you still weren't feeling well, but you never came home.  Tragically, without explanation or reason, GOD called you home. 

I can't even begin to imagine the magnitude of your parents' grief, nor the grief of your grandparents, extended family and friends. Your school community, classmates, teachers, all staff... we are devastated, and heartbroken as well. There are no words. There are no answers. Just an ENORMOUS sense of loss.    

I immediately went to see a grief counsellor at school Monday morning, exactly at the same time you and I would have been together.  I poured out my heart... I cried... and I shared a memory with her, that I have kept since you were in Grade One, four years ago. It is a memory that still makes me smile. 

I was in your classroom, helping your teacher by taking a Guided Reading group, which consisted of you and another girl. We had read a story, and when doing a recount, I asked you a question, which the other child answered right away. I should have admonished her gently, but for some reason, I didn't.  That is when you quietly reminded me with the following comment... "THAT was MY question Madame, and you let HER answer."  I immediately apologised to you and reminded the other student that it had not been her question to answer.  Then you added these seven words, which I never, EVER, forgot. "You deprived me of a learning opportunity!"  Your comment made me smile, even though were one hundred percent correct! I had indeed done that.

I made a point from then on, of never allowing one child to answer for another. Children may learn from their teachers but TEACHERS also learn from their students. YOU taught me a lesson that day and I want to thank you! 

Your dash was short Hana, a mere ten years... 2011-2021.  You may be gone but you will never be forgotten.  You lived, laughed, loved and were loved. You left your mark the short time you were with us.  With your words especially, you left your mark in my mind and in my heart... forever... pour toujours...por siempre.

Madame D. 

💔

There are limits to being kind...

don't you think?  I know it's a pandemic, people are stressed, we don't always know what's going on in their life, and all, but RUDE is RUDE, and needs to be called out. That is my humble opinion anyway, and heaven knows, I always have one.

My case in point? I invited a friend for dinner and a game of crib recently. I love to play crib; my friend is an excellent player and good company.  

Now my friend is attached to his phone. I know that. He answers his phone no matter where or when: he NEVER turns it off, nor would he ever just NOT answer.  HEAVEN FORBID... the sky would fall!!!

I was well aware of his phone addiction, but it had never been a problem before, because the conversation was usually just one quick call. Well, Monday night that is NOT what transpired.

We had no sooner sat down to our first course of salad, rolls accompagnied by a glass of wine, when he took a call from his brother-in-law. Five minutes later he hung up, looking sheepish.  It wasn't even an important call.  We resumed our meal, and had NOT even finished the salad, when his girlfriend called. She calls every day, as she lives in another zone: she does it to keep tabs on him, as she is the jealous type. So he answers, goes upstairs (first signaling that it has to be quiet around him), and proceeds to chat with her for over twenty five minutes. He had no sooner finished with her, when there was a call waiting, from his sister, which he also took. Again, not important. It could have gone to voice mail.  All the calls could have.  Our evening so far? Five minutes at the table, and over thirty five minutes on phone calls.

By now, I am fuming, but it's only a slow simmer. When he lands back downstairs, I ask him point blank, but very politely, "Could you please turn your phone off now, or at least let it go to voice mail, so we can finish our meal, and enjoy a few games of crib uninterrupted?"  His answer, "Oh, no, I have to answer my phone. I can't NOT answer it". He picks up his glass and proceeds to sit down at the table.

Well, that was where I very calmly took the glass of wine out of his hand, handed him his dinner in foil (I was prepared!) and told him that he could take his phone and his dinner, and go home.  I told him how rude and disrepectful he was being to me, his friend, and that I had had enough. He refused the food, and left quietly, without even apologizing.

With friends like that?  Thinking back, I realized something else had really upset me, even above the unbelievable rudeness.  It was that he expected Vimy and I to be quiet while he was talking to the "girlfriend" so she wouldn't know that he wasn't home. ME?  QUIET in MY own house?  ME, who had her own phone off?  

There are limits to my kindness after all. I found that out that night. Readers? Do you agree? Do you have your limits?

Thank you for reading my rant. I always feel so much better after I put pen to paper, so to speak. 

A CANINE perspective on this Pandemic business!

The look I gave my master said it all. She knew it too. (I use the term Master, knowing she wouldn't like Mistress, because of the negative and sexist connotations. I know her WELL!) 

I have been wanting to have my say about this Covid business for a while now.  I may be just a dog, but I have thoughts and feelings too, and they are going to spill out right here. Consider this MY rant.

I am loved, well cared for and want for nothing. Don't get me wrong. However, my dog's life has been nonetheless impacted by this Pandemic.  My Master was hiking in the Himalayas last March, while I was living the life of Riley at the "Good Life Dog Hotel", when this Corona business was renamed COVID 19 and declared a global PANDEMIC!

My master came home ten days early and has pretty much been HOME a lot more since.  While I enjoy that, I miss my social time too. I don't get to go to doggie day care anymore. I hardly see any of my canine friends unless I meet them on a hiking trail. IF they have fussy, overly protective Masters, I can't even get a good sniff in. Jeepers! Furthermore, what I really miss is seeing ALL my "ma tantes"... who would come to visit.  There's ma tante Nancy in Texas, (she might as well be on another planet!), ma tante Linda, (not in my Zone and in Red besides), ma tante Louise,(in a LOCKDOWN zone) ma tante Denise (restricted household bubbles), and ma tante Jane and mon oncle John ( also in another Zone.)  I have picked up some new "ma tantes", ie. Monique, Christine, Aline, Celia, and especially ma tante Ali and mon oncle Yves, but I still miss my old ones. They spoiled me rotten. Everyone says I am such a good dog, and they love me. Everyone loves me. I am not bragging. That's the truth. They always say to my Master, "What a GOOD dog!"

There is one exception though! THE granddaughter and I are NOT friends. It's not my fault and it's not hers. I am just not used to children. I am afraid of them, along with being afraid of any and all stick-like objects, vacuum cleaners, gunshots on TV, thunder, loud noises, and anything that comes towards me moving at,or near my eye level... like toddlers, wheelchairs, and bicycles. So, being scared of her, I would bark when she scampered into the room, and even WORSE, sometimes I would even growl. Isn't that terrible? I only bark when someone is at the door, or walking by in the street, because it is my protective nature. Why am I barking at THE most important being in my Master's life?  So I went from being banished to the basement during my visits there, to being banished to the kennel, to not being able to be banished anywhere, since the Atlantic Bubble is no more, and NO ONE can go visit ANYWHERE, anyway! :( How are we going to get used to each other, when we can never see each other?)

I have experienced loss too. I am now eating leftover dog food donations from the owners of three D+E+A+D canine friends. I think I have lost count, actually. I did get to say goodbye to Bella, my cousin, but not to Roxie, nor Freddy and I didn't even know the dog whose food I received today, he being my Master's mother's neighbour's recently departed pooch. (Did you follow that one?) It is kind of morbid to be eating another DEAD dog's food, but since my Master is such a frugalista, I eat it just to make her happy. LOL

Today was the icing on the cake, however, and hence that pathetic look on my face. We left the house this morning, on what became a four hour odyssey to get my annual vaccines. Go figure!  Normally, that would involve a 25 minute drive max, to the arena in Belledune, where I would cower under a chair until my turn came to be innoculated from all those diseases I can get, apparently, and then we would be on our way. Time - 90 minutes max! 

NOT this year, thank you Covid!  It took over an hour in the car to drive to Dalhousie. Being in the car is NOT my favourite thing. Don't ask me why: it has to do with one of my three or four previous Masters, who must have been super nasty, because when I get in the car, I immediately lay on the floor behind the passenger seat and I DO NOT move from there, until the car stops. I am quasi COMATOSE!!! 

Well, because of an emergency the vet was running behind in her appointments, so I got to cower on the floor in the car for another hour and a half, while we waited in the parking lot. I got up on the back seat once or twice, because I was SO bored, but the minute my Master would turn around and look at me, uttering terms of endearment, I would scoot back behind the passsenger seat and hide my face.  Don't ask me why. I don't want to remember, because it must have been bad and I can't forget.  We are dogs are like elephants, I think. 

We finally got in to see my favourite vet, even though I shook like a leaf, and immediately scooted under the bench to hide. I didn't whimper, nor bark, nor squirm, nor do anything bad, while my butt was stabbed with a needle and another long needle was stuck up my nose! However, getting my claws clipped DID make me squirm a bit, necessitating that vise-like grip from the vet's BOUNCER, around my neck. NOW, I had had enough. Hence the pathetic look on my face, and the reason for this blog.

Just so you know though, I am a very happy and grateful pooch, who just had to let it all hang out today. Thanks for reading my rant! VIMY 

  

   

YOU HAVE to keep laughing, and what better place ...

to have a chuckle than at school? I have been saving these comments and exchanges since last fall, where I taught in mainly primary classes, so we are talking five, six and seven year olds. Try to keep a straight face? I couldn't!

Liam: Informed me he needed a "high whitener." (He meant a "highliter.")

Eric: "This is the ULTIMATE day changer!" (He was talking about snack time!)

I spent one morning working with two little rambunctious fellows, who needed constant reminders to stay on the task at hand. I found myself saying over, and over, and over again, during a literacy period "Michael!", "Jackson!", "Michael!", "Jackson". True story!!

Coming in from recess, I stepped into a Kindergarten class just in time to hear the cutest, tiniest, blue eyed, blond haired moppet turn to his fellow classmate and ask him, "Did YOU sanitize?" He meant the hands, because they have to do that as soon as they come in from outside recess. Future supervisor there! 

A SIX year old came up to me in his very busy classroom, and in ALL seriousness asked me, "Can you step away a minute Madame?  I want to tell you something in private." How can you refuse a request like that?

The same one, a little later, says to me, "I don't want to tell you what to do, BUT..." He proceeded to tell me. :)

The same mature little fellow said to me the next morning, "Coffee is the BEST part of the day, right?"

THE same little fella said to me, with a grin, the third day I was in his class.  "You didn't have to threaten me.  I knew you wouldn't keep me in at lunch time." I had told him earlier, "Do I have to threaten you? IF you don't do some of your work, you will be staying in for some of your lunch recess." He knows me well! Besides, he managed to do a "tiny" bit of his work. 

Last but not least, from yours truly from above... KNOCK! KNOCK!  Who's there? Turnips. Turnips who?  Turnips the volume, I can't hear the music!   

Alex:  Madame, I have Covid. Just kidding!

Justin: "Madame, what's that thing above your nose?" I am wearing a mask, so my hand automatically goes to my glasses. When he sees that he adds, "No, it's that SCRATCH, and he points to my forehead." That was when I informed him that THAT "scratch" is called a "WRINKLE!"

The next day, Justin says to me, "I want to help you Madame." I respond, "Great! How are you going to do that?"  He replies, with a smile " I am being quiet." Right then and there I forgave him for the "scratch" comment. LOL

Oliver: "Guess what I got for my birthday?  A Fitbit!!" Me, to myself, "Whatever happened to Dinky Toys?"

Alex: Running around the classroom when he shouldn't be, and when questioned, replied, "She's got a crush on me and I am trying to get away from her!"  Yeah, right!

Kaylee: "I like your teaching." Ahhhh! Bless her little heart.

LAST but not least, today... I was asking the students in my Grade One French Immersion class, to tell me about their pets.  Who had a pet? What was the name? One little one informed me he had two pets,and then proceeded to give me the names of his three dogs, "Isabelle, Mica et Mia." I couldn't figure out why three names for two pets, so I asked him the question again? Est-ce que tu as un animal de compagnie? To which he replied, "Oui, j'ai deux chiens." “Comment s'appellent-ils?” I asked, as I repeated my question. “Isabelle, Mica et Mia” he replied again!  So,  he is giving me the names of three dogs once more! My look of puzzlement was finally enough for his classmate beside him to pipe up and say, "Madame, he is saying, "Ils s'appellent... NOT Isabelle!" OMG, here is one smarter than the teacher! In my defense, the kids ARE wearing masks, and it is NOT always easy to understand them.  I know... I know... that's no excuse!! :)