Kindergarten = LAUGHTER: Part Two

Here we are again. Another school year has begun and I never had time to finish my end of the year blog.  So here are the last few gems from the wees ones.

In Kindergarten, we meet-up on the carpet, to share whatever.  One little fellow tells us that his mother has a plan to get more money.  I, of course, ask him how is she going to do that? That was probably not the question to ask, because he replied, "By taking the garbage into the forest!"  I decided we should quit while we were ahead, and I moved on to another little one.

The art teacher brought back my class, and as they filed past me, I saw, to my surprise, two little girls with BIG moustaches painted on their faces. The art teacher informs me that they were put on by the little ones themselves, during class, with markers. I guess Andrea and Ava did not see the look of "WTH'" on my face, because one piped up, quite proudly, "Yes, and we used the permanent markers ones too! " To which the other added, "And they are the SMELLY ones!" Thankfully, they both returned to class the next day with no evidence of their crime on their faces. LOL

The children were cutting and pasting a sentence onto a worksheet, and then printing the sentence below. ie. The sun is outside the window. I reminded them of the importance of the capital letter at the beginning and the period at the end. More often than not, I sent them back to add the period as they tended to ignore that part of the lesson. I had sent one little blond fellow back twice! The third time he came running up to me, waving his paper above his head, and declares excitedly, "Madame, I got my PERIOD!" 

I had to stifle a huge guffaw... OMG. At recess as I was sharing with my EA what had transpired, and JUST as I said, "I got my period!", the principal shows up in the doorway.  He immediately puts his hands up on each side of the door frame and says, "I don't need to be part of this conversation, do I? THAT is when I allowed myself a really good laugh.

I close with a cute remark from a Grade Five student, as they were entering school on the second last day, during what would be the hottest day of the year.  

WE DON'T WANT TO BE TEACHED TODAY!

My Special Kindergartener… now in Grade One.

Here are a few more conversations I had with Sophie while visiting in May and June.

Moi - Aimerais-tu aller à la messe Sophie? On passait devant une église catholique ou il y avait une messe française le dimanche. Elle me répond "You mean the mess on the ground?" 

I had just read her the story of The Princess and the Pea. Teacher that I am, I had to ask a few comprehension questions, of course. I asked her "Why do you think the princess did not sleep?" To which she answered emphatically, "Because she had to PEE!"

I love hearing her speak French - ie Quoi c'est que ça? J'entends ma tante Dada qui dit ça. 

Sophie hit me from behind with a pool noodle, surprising me, so when I told her she had kind of startled me, she quipped so quickly, "Désolée!" I had never heard her say that word.

Quand je lui ai dit, "Arrête de crier.", elle m'a répondue " I wasn't cri-a-ing."

When I picked her up at school, I remarked on the large number of school buses waiting. She informs me that they are FRENCH buses. 

Jojo, do you want to do an Iron Dance?  I wonder what she means, and then she puts her hands on her hips and starts doing an IRISH dance.

I know how to turn it on, but I am not helping him. (She meant an IPad and she was upset with a little friend, so Mlle wasn't feeling your usual compassionate self.) 

We were cooking lobster we had just bought and Sophie is bouncing around the kitchen, chatting non stop and very dramatically exclaiming. "I am REALLY stressed out. I am friggin' scared of lobster. They are REALLY scary!"

I was giving a little friend a back scratch when Sophie remarked that she was getting a SPA!

When I asked her to tell me ONE new thing she had learned that day at school that she didn't already know, this was her reply.  "I know everything. We do it EVERY DAY!"

Feeling my underarms while sitting beside me as I read her a story, she declared, "Your arms are squishy. There is a LOT of blood in there!"  She was totally fascinated. LOL

Talking about an airplane trip, she informs me that her friend doesn't have a "court pad."  What Sophie meant was "a passport." :)

Aren't grandchildren delightful? Quels trésors sont-ils, nos petits-enfants! 

Kindergarteners EQUAL laughter!

PART ONE:

I had the privilege of spending many days in the same kindergarten class recently, and what fun it was! OMG, I never stopped laughing. When the kids see you laugh, they laugh too, so there is great merriment all around, every day. 

Let me share the more precious memories, some laughs that were bittersweet, that I experienced, all with special thanks to their “real” teacher, who entrusted me with their care and education for a four day week.  

I always remind each class first thing, that while I appreciate their efforts to help me by telling me how THEIR teacher does everything, I need to be allowed to do my job, which I can’t do if they are constantly interrupting me. My speech is usually longer than that, if need be, but that wraps it up in a nutshell. The students end up getting the message, although it may take time.

Witness during calendar time: I had already been interrupted three times as to how Ms. B would do "the calendar" by three different students, and each time I repeated my little speech nicely. With the fourth occurrence, I merely raised my eyebrow in the direction of the offender. He immediately nodded and said, “Yeah, right!" and quickly bowed his head. He was letting me know he had forgotten my message. Too cute and of course, it made me smile. 

One morning I was writing on chart paper, and running out of space, so I dropped a book on the floor, that had been propped up on the chart paper stand. I must NOT have done it quietly enough, because the same little fellow asks,"Why did you throw that book on the floor?"  They are so observant, aren't they?

Ellis, when he proudly showed me his wobbly tooth, I asked, "So you have a loose tooth?", to which he replied, "No, I have a GROWN-UP one!"

"Madame, do you know I am a hunter?" one little darling girl asked me one morning. And she is! 

When listing words that started with the "QU" sound one morning on chart paper, I was prompting my class to give me words with that had this sound at the beginning of the word. I was helping them by giving them clues and describing something that water comes out of, when you point it at someone when it's hot. I finally said the word "SQUIRT" as in gun" because we weren't getting anywhere. They all looked at me as if I were from outer space, and one retorted, "They are called water guns, Madame!" Must be a generational thing....? Never mind I was looking for words starting with QU!

Asking Summer where her name was on her worksheet, she informs me nicely, "Look, my name is ahind it." 

Coming back into the classroom after my lunch break in the staff room, Issac comes running to me, and says,"Madame, you are NOT going to like what I have to tell you!" Of course I chuckled to myself right away. "I am not?" I asked.  I was thinking some fight had broken out during this indoor lunch recess for the kids.  Well, it wasn't quite that. "So do tell me Issac, what am I not going to like?" His response? "Someone took a BITE out of your sandwich!"  I chuckled and chuckled at that one. I didn't HAVE a sandwich. I wasn't even IN the classroom at lunchtime. I think one of the lunchroom monitors had a chunk taken out of THEIR sandwich. Too funny!

A little one from Cameroon, whose first language is French, comes up to me with tears in his eyes, and exclaims, "Johnny got in my road!" I immediately thought, "Oui, c'est certain que dans une classe, quelqu'un sera dans ton chemin, à un moment donné, mon petit."

These kids are so mature when they speak, so adult-like sometimes. Sam comes up to me with a crestfallen face and asks me,"What do you want to hear first? The bad news or the REALLY bad news?" Well, I am almost afraid to choose, but I do, and ask for the bad news first. "I couldn't find Pickpocket out in the yard." Pickpocket is his dearly beloved little stuffed toy. "Oh dear!" I thought. Dreading the REALLY bad news, I still ask for it. With a forlorn expression on his little face, he informs me, "All I could find in the Lost and Found was a BIG garbage bag full of JUNK!" he exclaims. I felt so badly for him. We searched for Pickpocket again, after school, but no luck. :(

This last one is one of those bittersweet stories.  On that note, and realizing that I have been rather long winded, I will leave the remaining, best little stories, for Part 2. 

HAVE A GREAT WEEK! BONNE SEMAINE À TOUS!

    

Kids! What's Not to love? Plus laugh!

The school year is wrapping up. Here are some chuckles I have saved over the last few months. Enjoy!

On a very cold winter day, in the school yard on duty, little Tina runs up to me and says, "Madame, you are all BUNNED up!"

We were doing a body/brain break on You Tube, which was quite a lively dance work-out. The video was ending soon so I let the children know that.  One chubby little sweetie immediately commented with "I  am happy about that!" 

One particular Grade 5 student with whom I have a special bond, and with whom I share seven second hugs the first time I see her in any given day, came up to me after a class in the library one day. She  whispered to me quietly, and almost reluctantly, the following.  "Madame, some students think you are too STRICT!" That made my day!

In music class, when I asked a class of Grade One students if the instrument they had just seen in a cartoon video, was a clarinet, I was told emphatically by one little one... "NO! It's a stick!

Asking how many students there were in their class, as I brought them to the gym, as I always count heads, I was told by one... "We are missing one!" :)

Grade 5 - "Madame, you are 69? DANG!!!"

Grade 5 - "Madame, you are my SECOND favourite teacher." I will take it, his home room teacher being the first, of course. 

During a math activity in Grade One, the response I wanted to my question, "If you put a plus sign here, you will get a big, fat ...? I wanted ZERO as a response but I received COW!

In the same Grade One class, a big box of pencils fell unexplicably off the shelf, and scattered everywhere, whereupon Jason explained, "It was probably a flying pancake!" Huh? He had been writing about "colossal pancakes" so that was his mindset. 

Grade One again! Me: You have to take your plant home because there is no one here to water it on the weekend. Reply from Alex? "Teachers stay here on the weekend!" I burst out laughing right there. 

The same little one informs me in the same day, that his Grandmother is coming to visit from Morocco. When I asked him how long his grandmother was going to be in Canada, he replied "SIX years and FIVE days." How accurate can you get?

When playing a two team multiplication game in Math with a Grade Four class, in my instructions I added that I did not want to hear any derogatory words starting with L, such as LOSER, when the game was over.  To which one quick witted child sang out "LEMON!" 

A kindergartener when I was on late bus duty, poked me and exclaimed  "I NEMBER you!

Telling one particular little scamp that he had had a good day in class, as I walked him to the bus, he replied, "Tell my Mom and Dad!" When I said I had no way of communicating with them, he had an answer. "Maybe I could call you on my IPad. What's your account number?"

Believe it or not!!! 

Well, it’s been a while!

I had stopped blogging as the pandemic dragged on, because I was wallowing in the murk too much. Then, when we finally had what seemed to be the « last wave » come and go, I was too busy trying to get those two years plus back, to think of sitting down in front of a computer, and blogging. Hell, I had to get out in the world again, and really LIVE! 

Which is what I have been doing, in spades and my adventures have continued, and since I continued to supply teach, I have continued writing down those funny, touching, cute and wacky things children say. 

So here are at least a year’s worth! 

I had a student in Grade One read me his pattern book. “My dog can play. My dog can run. I can watch TV.  I can play with my dog. I can pee in the toilet.” 

“It might be weird but I like the smell of bug spray.” Riley in Kindergarten. 

K -Piper confides the following to me “Cohen is a bully. I already know that.” 

Grade One French Immersion: “Beaucoup de people get mixed up with mon nom”, said Abby. 

“I am your guy when it comes to batteries” declared Alex, in Grade 2 FI. He had told me that my problem with the Smartboard, was my keyboard. He informed me that he had told his teacher that the day before, that the keyboard needed new batteries. It was worth a try. So I sent him off to the office to get new batteries, and sure enough, that was the problem! 

The same little scamp, another day, retorts “I don't have to speak French yet. The bell didn't ring.” (He had just rolled his eyes at me when I told him he should be speaking French).  Then he turns around two minutes later, speaks French, and when I give him a Bravo ticket ( gives him a chance to win a prize at the end of the week, from a draw),his response was a loud  "SWEET HOME ALABAMA!"

In Grade Two, filling in temporarily for another teacher, I asked a student what she called her teacher, because some teachers use their first name. I said, "Is it Ms Ali?” “Well, yeah, that's her name!” As if to say, DUH!"

In another primary English class, where I always tell the children to call me Madame Duguay, or Madame, one pipes up, "" I can say your name, Madame Dickie!" 

Mike, while reading a book aloud about where something is hiding, reads “It hides in the bathroom." Then he adds, voce sotto, and bending close to me, declares "It's pooping!" 

In Grade One French Immersion, one student was being the "Mini Prof" and asking the others questions. He had drawn the name of one student who was in the washroom at the moment, which happens to be in the classroom. I was sitting between the mini prof and the bathroom, so I very loudly repeated the question to the one in the bathroom, as a kind of joke, and thinking it would be really funny if they piped up the answer.  One child looked at me very serously and said, " You can't DO that!", meaning I couldn't ask them a question when they were in the bathroom.  I agreed, but thought to myself, "I am the teacher: I can do anything." LOL

I was distributing $ in a Grade Five class, money that they could accumulate to buy prizes at the end of the week. I gave one student $100 and said it was given because of "gentillesse" which no one seemed to understand, so I asked the whole class, "I gave the $100 for "gentillesse" so what do you think I gave the money for? One answer? For the Book Fair? 

In one Grade One FI, we were doing the Canada Food Guide, so the kids were cutting up pictures from magazines and flyers, and gluing the cut-outs under the correct food group heading, ie. Fruits and Vegetables, Dairy Products, etc. I thought they were doing really well, until little Emmett asked me so seriously, "How do you say "dog food" in French, Madame?" OMG, I had to tell him that dog food does NOT belong in any of Canada's Food Groups. 

“ I don't have a sister or brother, but I have a dog brother.” said a tad wistfully by a wee one in Kindergarten.

TURNING THE TABLES... on Road Rage?

I was driving along the main drag in our fair city recently, when NOT 100 metres from a pedestrian crosswalk, OUT stepped a young, very curly, long haired young man, from between two parked cars, waving his arms in the air.  I tend to notice men with hair, especially as I age.  I enjoy seeing a full head of hair on any young person, really.  What was I talking about? Oh yeah, this young fella stepping out onto a busy street, from out of nowhere.

Well, I didn't really know what he was waving his arms about, but I was NOT about to stop and find out.  I would have had to SLAM on my brakes, and possibly be rear ended by a car behind me, so I kept on going. I did look up at my rear view mirror, only to see him give ME the finger... le DOIGT D'HONNEUR.  FRANCHEMENT!!!!  I guess he had wanted me to stop to let him cross the street.  Well, I just said to myself, "Listen young man, use the crosswalk.  Don't they teach you SOMEWHERE, never to step out from between parked cars?"

I thought no more of the incident, because in two minutes I was at my destination, the waterfront parking lot, where I had business with my seamstress. I had no sooner parked, turned OFF my car, and was putting on my mask, when another car pulled up RIGHT beside me.  Music was blaring, plus the muffler was busted and making an ear splitting racket.  Guess who was at the wheel?  None other than the young man who had just given me the finger!  I know hair when I see it.  It was him!

My first thought was, "OMG, road rage. He has followed me here and is about to tear a strip off me!"  What else could it be?  I drive a BRIGHT, neon green Mazda, with a Canadian flag fluttering in the wind, on the roof top antennae.  You can spot me miles away.  He was out to get me! (My imagination tends to run wild, the older I get!)

When I entered the parking lot, I had noticed there were two men wearing security vests, not 50 metres from where I was parked, so I decided right then and there, to bite the bullet and nip this possible nasty encounter, right in the bud!  Tuer l'oeuf dans le coque, comme qu'on dit.  These men would be witnesses to a possible nasty encounter, and would surely come to my rescue, if need be? 

I jumped out of Jiminy and went RIGHT up to this guy's window, which was rolled up. He was absorbed on his phone.  I rapped smartly on the window. He looked up, obviously startled, and all wide eyed.  I waved my ARMS and spreading them wide, slowly articulated with my mouth,  so that he could read my lips, "I DID NOT see you back there!"  He looked scared, nodded, smiled and looked down at his phone again, kind of fluffing me off.

By this time, I was on a roll. I rapped on his window again: he looked up, now decidedly embarrassed, wanting to get rid of me, smiling benevolently, but still NOT rolling down his window.  Well, I gave HIM the finger, by wagging my finger back and forth, and mouthed the words, "NO more giving me the finger, okay? That's not nice! " He nodded vigourously, smiled, and went back to staring at his phone.  So our one sided conversation was OVER, I guess?

I finally trotted off, happy to have gotten MY message across, and thinking, "Don't mess with little old, white haired ladies!" 

Dear Hana:

As one of your teachers, I did my report Friday, indicating the results of my "Good for Kids" assignment at your school.  That four week assignment was to help you and other students in French Immersion bring up your reading levels a bit by giving you some much needed extra time, one-on-one, or in small group setting. 

I was in a deeply reflective mood, as I tabled the results.  All students who were able to be helped, were able to advance, and what a wonderful feeling that was, for themselves, their teachers, their principal, and for me. It had been a team effort all the way. 

When I saw your name on my list four weeks ago, I remembered you right away, from Kindergarten, then Grade One, Grade Two and now here you were, in Grade Five.  Still with beautiful, long, dark, wavy brown hair, and a shy, sweet smile. 

Teachers remember students for different reasons. I have a tendency to remember the scamps (one Claudio Ippopolito comes to mind!), the students who need more love and attention than others, the super bright ones, the new ones in a classroom, the neglected ones, and students like you, super quiet, almost timid and so undemanding. 

You were right beside me first thing every morning for two weeks. We chatted while going down the hall from your classroom to my cubby, and then we went to work.  I could tell when you had read the night before, with your grandmother who lives with you, because you did so well. Not many people know how to properly pronounce the plural of eggs, in French. You did! 

That Friday morning you were a little quieter than usual. When I asked if you were feeling well, you merely replied that you were tired.  

The next day your mom brought you to the hospital because you still weren't feeling well, but you never came home.  Tragically, without explanation or reason, GOD called you home. 

I can't even begin to imagine the magnitude of your parents' grief, nor the grief of your grandparents, extended family and friends. Your school community, classmates, teachers, all staff... we are devastated, and heartbroken as well. There are no words. There are no answers. Just an ENORMOUS sense of loss.    

I immediately went to see a grief counsellor at school Monday morning, exactly at the same time you and I would have been together.  I poured out my heart... I cried... and I shared a memory with her, that I have kept since you were in Grade One, four years ago. It is a memory that still makes me smile. 

I was in your classroom, helping your teacher by taking a Guided Reading group, which consisted of you and another girl. We had read a story, and when doing a recount, I asked you a question, which the other child answered right away. I should have admonished her gently, but for some reason, I didn't.  That is when you quietly reminded me with the following comment... "THAT was MY question Madame, and you let HER answer."  I immediately apologised to you and reminded the other student that it had not been her question to answer.  Then you added these seven words, which I never, EVER, forgot. "You deprived me of a learning opportunity!"  Your comment made me smile, even though were one hundred percent correct! I had indeed done that.

I made a point from then on, of never allowing one child to answer for another. Children may learn from their teachers but TEACHERS also learn from their students. YOU taught me a lesson that day and I want to thank you! 

Your dash was short Hana, a mere ten years... 2011-2021.  You may be gone but you will never be forgotten.  You lived, laughed, loved and were loved. You left your mark the short time you were with us.  With your words especially, you left your mark in my mind and in my heart... forever... pour toujours...por siempre.

Madame D. 

💔