Perles de la petite école cette semaine ...

1ère année

Comment est-ce qu'il s'appelle ton "chum"?   Moi - Je n'ai pas de chum.

Une petite rentre dans la classe , et en me voyant, est toute démontée. "Mais ou est Madame Marie-Eve?" Moi - "Elle est absente." "Mais elle nous l'a pas dit!", elle replique, vivement indignée.  Moi- C'est peut-être parce qu'elle ne le savait pas. Elle est possiblement malade. La petite, avec un peu de chagrin, répond "OUPS!"

Dans le couloir - "Non, je n'ai pas la picotte. Ma mère m'a amené chez le docteur et j'ai juste un "RASH!"

Au gymnase, ou on joue un jeu, une grande fille de 4e année m'arrive, toute mécontente. Elle m' annonce, après avoir vu une autre élève me parler- " Elle est en train de me FRIGGIN' mettre dans le trouble!"

Elections matter in elementary school too, so let's get right to the point here!!!

IT IS ALL ABOUT TIMING!

Life is ALL ABOUT TIMING!  There is GOOD timing and BAD timing.  I have had my share of mostly the LATTER, this past week. Reflecting upon the subject though, made me realize how crucial timing can be.  In some cases, it is a matter of life and death. Thankfully, in my experience, t-i-m-i-n-g, good or bad, is either a convenience, or an inconvenience, (also known as a total PITA= pain in the ass!), but not a serious matter.

I needed to go shop in the Miramichi, an hour's drive away. I had received a $50 gift certificate for Winners, six months ago, so I made plans to go last Wednesday.  I always plan everything to the "nth" degree.  I figured since one School District had a PD day, my chances of getting a call for supply with the other district, were slim. Well, I was called of course, by the robot, which in itself does NOT guarantee I would have been assigned the posting, but I will never know. I just ignored the call. I am getting ready to hit the road by 9:00 am, when Baby Bro sends me a text, advising me of the closure of the road I had to take, until noon. Well, I went anyway, hoping the road would be reopened upon my return, around 4:00 pm. Well, of course it WAS NOT. So my sis-in-law and I ended up taking a two hour scenic route detour, to get to the Miramichi, and then driving two and half hours back on the same detour. On a normal day, this would have been a 50 minutes drive EACH WAY.  We only spent a total of FOUR hours shopping.  Does that make sense? Did I mention that it was pouring rain, on our return, very dark, and I missed an exit? B-A-D timing, overall. 

I always bring my lunch to school. On Thursday I brought leftovers of fish, rice and veggies.  I thought "Don't eat this in the staff room. Some people won't like the smell. Bring it back to the classroom."  That is what I did. Then I decided to go to the cafeteria to check the garbage bins for Lunchmate points. I knows that sounds bad, but it is just a matter of gathering points for free stuff, and anyone who knows me, knows I LOVE free stuff. Free stuff, which I give to kids. S-O I was leaning over the garbage bin, looking for paper wrappers, when the cafeteria supervisor walks up, and says, "OMG, that bin stinks of fish!" She grimaces and makes a dismissing gesture with her hand. Of course, I burst out laughing, and said, "It is NOT the garbage can. It's ME!"  You see, I have very little sense of smell.  My world is pretty odourless, so I hadn't noticed that I smelled fishy, literally!!   She turned red as a beet.  I didn't, because I am shameless. So, THAT was a matter of pretty bad timing... ON HER PART. LOL   I was concerned though, that the smell in the classroom would be equally as strong, so I got one of my little fellows (this was a Grade Two class) to step into the classroom and tell me what he smelled.  He immediately replied "LOBSTER!"  I wish!!!! The smell had dissipated by the time the children returned to class after lunch recess. 

Speaking of smell, when Vimy and I returned from a long walk Tuesday night, it was dark. I let Vimy off his leash in the driveway, and he IMMEDIATELY took off running and barking, into the backyard.  What was the attraction? A SKUNK!!!!  Said skunk did what all skunks do, when threatened. He/SHE SPRAYED!  That is BAD TIMING! Really bad timing!!!  However, the skunk missed Vimy, thanks be to all the Gods above. I washed his face, neck and chest with baking soda and water.  I had a friend coming to stay overnight, who arrived shortly after this encounter.  She assured me that the smell in the house was minimal, but very strong outside.  I dodged a bullet there!!!  So, some GOOD TIMING!

Friday night, I was going out to eat, which is a small luxury for me. There is a sushi restaurant that I just love. I hadn't seen an old friend in over four months, so we made arrangements to meet for dinner at this place , since it is halfway for both of us, and she has never been there.   Of course, when we got there, IT WAS CLOSED.  Just for that ONE day mind you. Just that ONE day that I wanted to go there. Bad timing once again... and a fitting ending to my week, no?  However, in the grand scheme of things, although my timing was OFF all week, it was all minor!  For that, I am truly grateful.  

Should FORGETFULLNESS be a four letter word?

That is ONE L-O-N-G word for something so frustratingly stupid!  As we age, we are constantly reminded that we are getting forgetful, yet I honestly think it isn't so much a question of age, as a question of being just too busy and too much multi-tasking.  Don't you agree?

Recently, I was wondering why I was down to my last two pair of underwear, when I had just done my laundry.  Then it dawned on me that my bras and panties had been OUTSIDE on the clothesline for FIVE days! Not really a clothesline, mind you, just a long bungee cord stretched underneath the posts of my deck. Therefore, not really visible either. Still.... it could have been WORSE. I could have gone out and bought M! O! R! E! underwear, NOT EVEN REMEMBERING that all mine were STILL hanging on the clothesline.

The next day,  I got my winter tires ready to be installed, by hauling them out of the shed, putting them under my deck overnight, then into my car the next day.  Do you think I was able to tell my mechanic, when I booked an appointment, whether the TIRES were on rims or NOT?  Of course not!!! I had to go double check and then call him back.  Double duh!!!

In the same week, I could NOT find my beautiful, blue handmade mittens at school, when it came time to leave. I spent fifteen minutes checking everywhere, every classroom, lost and found, only to find them, at the height of my exasperation, both tucked into the sleeve of my coat! I NEVER do that anymore, because the last beautiful pair of HANDMADE black mittens I lost at a school, had been tucked into my coat sleeve as well. Why oh why I tucked them back in a sleeve again, is beyond me!!

So... I am old! Old people are forgetful, right?  If so, how do you explain that when I was in my early forties, I came home from grocery shopping, and could NOT, for the life of me, find the gallon of milk I had bought. Twenty four hours later, my husband found it in a bottom kitchen CUPBOARD!

One Easter I hid the children's candy so well, that I couldn't find it when it came time to get the Easter Treasure Hunt ready.  I had to go out and buy some more.  My daughter found the candy six months later, tucked behind the third drawer of the file cabinet.  Same with Christmas gifts. One Christmas Eve my then husband and I, prepared the gifts, after the kids had gone to bed. I am looking at the tree and thinking, "Gee, I was sure I (I mean SANTA) had bought more gifts than that." Then it dawned on me that I had hidden some.  Now I just had to remember WHERE!  This happened when I was in MY THIRTIES!

I have just totally CONVINCED myself that I am N-OT forgetfull because I am aging, but rather that I am forgetful because I was ALWAYS that way.

On a final note, I would truly love to FORGET that this past week, our neighbours to the south of us, elected Donald Trump. Enough said!

Too much ANTICIPATION is NOT a good thing!

When you have had a L-O-N-G and busy week, don't you look forward to getting home Friday night and just crashing and burning?  I do!  You can binge on Netflix movies, or read an entire book while drinking an entire bottle of wine or ... Oops.... didn't mean to get carried away in my own fantasies,there.

Anyway, such was my case  recently. I taught all day, picked up Vimy at doggie daycare, ran a few errands, went to a HOT FUSION yoga class, and finally dashed in the door at 6:30 pm.  I immediately turned on the oven, to preheat it, for my fancy '"Nachos and Cheese" supper, made sure I had a cold beer in the fridge, and ran upstairs to run water for a hot bath. You REALLY, REALLY stink when you come out of a HOT yoga class.

That all done, I went over to the TV, and turned it on.  It came on, but then NO SIGNAL, when I pressed GUIDE.  I COULDN'T believe it!  I was madder than a wet hen, as I fiddled and fiddled to make the TV come on. I rebooted it, plus checked all the cords and wiring. I did EVERYTHING!  No luck WHATSOEVER!  Thank goodness I have Rogers on speed dial.   So I called them... had to leave my number, so I ended up in a callback queue. While I waited for the call back, I turned OFF the faucet for the bath water, but COMPLETELY forgot about the oven.  After 45 minutes on the phone with a Rogers techie, I was no closer to resolving my problem. At this point I would have been saying "I HATE ROGERS! I HATE ROGERS!"   What was the point though? It didn't change anything.  However, I did have an appointment for a technician to show up at my door Sunday morning between 8 and 11 am.

ALL OF WHICH STILL DID NOT SOLVE MY PROBLEM.  I had been all psyched up to watch the last two hours, of the sixth season, and the GRAND FINALE of DOWNTON ABBEY.  I had been waiting TWO years for this.  I had to return the DVDs to the library in a few days. No question of renewing.

It was 8:30 before I sat down in a rocking chair, with a mostly cold nachos platter, having taken a quick,lukewarm bath and having managed to hook up my laptop to a 15" monitor, so that I FINALLY could watch what I had intended to watch two hours earlier.  ARRGH!!!

NOT the most comfortable position, NOR the best viewing (I kept having to tilt the darn monitor), but hey.... mission accomplished.

I still love to hate Rogers, but I love to hate LADY MARY a lot more. Isn't she a total, total witch?
I am going to go into DOWNTON ABBEY withdrawal.  Sigh!

PS:  The techie fixed my problem in two minutes. Their HDMI cord wasn't plugged in from the TV into the Nexbox. I don't know how that happened!  The lady on the phone Friday night, told me I only needed two cords to be coming out of the Nexbox, NOT three.  I HATE ROGERS!

What were YOU asked, or told, this week?

Questions I was asked, and things I was told, this week.... by little ones at school.

Kindergarten - Ryan: Madame, I drew the repellor on my airplane."

                    - Tommy:"Did you babysit us yesterday?" (THIS, I was asked on Monday.)

Grade One- Katie, when told she had to do some independent writing, cried, pouted, stated she didn't know WHAT to write about, then drew a picture, and wrote the following sentence. "I LIKE ME!" She is now ALL smiles.  I guess that is as good a start as any! :)

Grade One - I was explaining the "Four Corners" game, where upon the count of five, each child has to be standing in one of the four corners of the classroom. If they are NOT in a corner, they are eliminated from the game. I was reviewing the rules,and prompting the children to tell me what comes next, when I said, "So, what happens next when I count ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR-FIVE? One little scamp pipes up right away "TIME OUT!"  HE obviously is very familiar with being put in time-out and less with the game of "Four Corners."

Grade Two - Lunch is over and they are back in class. Susie:"Was that BIG recess?" I guess I am not the ONLY one who forgets whether she has had lunch or not. 

Grade Two - Ashley "At Hallowe'en I am going to be a DEAD Prom Queen."  What happened to witches, ghosts and goblins? 

Grade Two - "My Dad is a diamond MINDER!"

Grade Two - In a team teaching classroom of 37 children, the other teacher was explaining rules and procedures to the kids.  I was seated at the back of the group, listening and observing. With one hand held a little above her head, she tells them "MY expectations for you are up here, THIS high!"  The little fellow in front of me says quietly, "My Mom's boyfriend's are HIGHER than yours!"  Out of the mouths of babes... Comments like that make me smile, a little, but also make me WONDER, A LOT. 

WHY IS IT THAT....?

...I can remember ALL SIXTEEN digits of my ATM bank card, BUT I can't remember to take the dang card out of the machine when I make a withdrawal? I ratttled off the numbers to the receptionist at the bank, after giving her my name, when I went back to get my card. Duh!

... some dog owners get SO, SO upset when your dog wants to meet THEIR dog? Don't they know that dogs are social animals?

...  I was given a HUGE sleep apnea monitor, which weighed a ton on my chest, had a dead battery in the morning, but that when I returned it the next day was told T-H-E-N,  "We should have given you a SMALLER one.  We will have to do this again."  ARRGH!

... when someone asks you where you got "such-and-such a gadget, or small item", you say "Here, take mine.  I can get more!" Maybe it is because you have SO MUCH, and they don't? "For it is in giving that we receive."

... you don't bat an eye when SOMEONE ELSE'S dog tosses his cookies in the back seat of your car. 
Hey, I was just happy he didn't get Vimy!

... when children at school ask me my age, I usually reply, "That question is too personal." Yet, when I want to show off my flexibility in the gym with yoga poses, I suddenly have no problem telling them I am sixty-two years old.  "Pride goeth before a fall."

... BURSTING into tears when I got stopped for speeding, DID NOT work this time?  Maybe it was because Jiminy Cricket and I were doing 90 KMH in a 50 KMH zone!!!   The poor, sweet, darling, handsome and ever so kind police officer HAD to fine me.  He was almost apologetic.  I haven't had a speeding ticket in FORTY years.  MEA CULPA, MEA CULPA, MEA CULPA!  Mais maudit, ça pince le portefeuille!!!!  172 50$

... Canada Post STILL can't get their keys to work for the Super Boxes?  Those of you who followed all my misadventures of a year ago, when I had moved into an apartment for a short time, may remember that I blogged more than once about my "Mail Box Blues."  I ended up being issued FOUR sets of keys in the space of less than three months, for my mailbox. I retained that SAME box when I moved to my own home.  I quote from my blog of January 24th, which ended with "Any dibs on my getting another set of keys before the end of winter?  W..e...l...l..., I received this letter in the mail from Canada Post, along with..... my FIFTH set of keys.  Tis laughable!!!

FORTY minutes in the life of a supply teacher.

7:55 am - I arrive at my assigned school with five minutes to spare before my 8:00 am duty. Turns out I don't HAVE that duty. It doesn't show on the schedule, though it is in the teacher's notes.  Someone says they are sure they heard THAT teacher's voice in the hall. 

8:00 am - I rush to the classroom. Lo and behold! The teacher IS present. I check my app with the assignment. You guessed it? I am at the WRONG school. The two teachers in question share the same last name, but not the first. I know... I can just hear my neighbour now, M. Ange, saying "Nounoune!"  I think Nounoune should become my middle name.  

8:05 am - I am getting ready to dash off to the RIGHT school, where I am NOW REALLY GOING TO BE LATE FOR MY DUTY, when the ever so sweet VP nabs me in the office.  He informs me that a parent has posted on FB, that a SUPPLY teacher was drinking pop in class on Tuesday. Well, guess who was the O-N-L-Y supply teacher in that school that day?????? Yours truly.  Do I have time for this? Just when you think you have experienced E-V-E-R-Y  FIRST possible occurrence of something in your teaching career, you get GOBSMACKED!  It must have been a very slow day in someone's life. In my defense, I must state the facts and ONLY the facts!  A) I was drinking WATER out of a recycled plastic ginger ale bottle. B) I don't drink pop, unless I am making a mixed drink. OOPS! Did I say that? Ipso facto, I would NEVER be drinking pop at school.  C) On a point of principle, I don't buy bottled water, ever, ever, ever! I don't use nice, expensive water bottles either, because I keep leaving them behind me in different schools and classrooms. I know "Nounoune"! Enough said.... I could write an entire blog just about this last paragraph. WHAT have I learned?  Don't use green plastic bottles, and R-I-P the darn label off ANY plastic, recycled bottles that you do use.

8:13 am - I am half way to my car, when I realize my lunch is in the fridge, so back I run into the school.

8:16 am - I am finally on my way to the RIGHT school, after asking the secretary at the WRONG school to call the secretary at the RIGHT school, and inform her that I will be "REALLY,  REALLY,  LATE FOR DUTY NOW."

8:21 am - I arrive at THE RIGHT SCHOOL.  I dash into the classroom, dump my stuff and run outside to the playground, where I am now over twenty minutes late, only to find out from the teacher there, that I DON'T HAVE ANY DUTY after all! It was a mistake in the notes. 

8:25 - I heave a sign of relief and dash back INTO THE SCHOOL.

8:30 am- I have two minutes to look over the day's preparation and take a few deep breaths, before the bell rings.

8:32 am - In walk twelve of the cutest, sweetest, most darling four and five year olds, and I know right THEN AND THERE, that I am going to have a most AMAZING DAY, and I did!  I am blessed.