Badass Golf!

I like to golf.  I am not good at it, but I like walking around in the sunshine, and whacking a ball. It is really good for getting out your frustrations.  Think of something or someone who has ticked you off, and go "Whack!" to that small white ball on the tee. Very therapeutic!

With my new friends Bob and Sue, we book a tee time of 5:00 to play nine holes this week. We get there early enough to go to the driving range and hit a bucket of balls each.  I have to admit the forecast was less than conducive to a great game of golf. Actually, severe thunderstorm alerts had been the order of the day. Did we listen? Nope! We figured it might just blow by.  Well, as it turns out, those storm clouds didn't move on down the road without a bang.

We had to wait until 5 o'clock to tee off, because of a tournament.  The sky turned dark, and the wind picked up, while we were waiting for the last golfers to finish up on the last hole.  We decide to have a beer in the clubhouse, on the outdoor patio. No sooner had we sat down than it started to rain, with thunder rumbling in the background. So, after fifteen minutes, we decided to pack it in. Since we had paid, and I had forgotten my receipt in the car, Bob, ever the gentleman, went back to get the car to pick me and Sue up. It was pouring rain after all!

He dropped me off at my car, and I promptly proceed to back up, while he was walking behind my car.  He had gone to see Sue off in her car.  Of course I didn't see him. I only heard him as he WHACKED the back of my car.  OMG - I almost ran over one of my future golfing partners!

I drive towards the clubhouse, to go get reimbursed, when ahead of me, slightly to the right of the clubhouse, I see a man next to his golf cart.  Well, looks to me like he is going to have a leak. I can tell from the furtive glance over his shoulder, with his back to the road, that this is what  he intends to do. I think, " You animal! The clubhouse is right there in front of you, on your left. It has a perfectly good, functionin working toilet! You don't have to use the great outdoors!" 

Then to my total surprise and disgust, he doesn't merely whip out the old pecker!  He DROPS HIS PANTS TO HIS ANKLES, and HOISTS UP HIS SHIRT!  So, I was MOONED, TOTALLY MOONED!  I had a front row seat of his BIG, HAIRY AND UGLY ASS!  I was gobsmacked!! No one else was a witness to this display. I was the only one around, because everyone else in the tournament is already in the Clubhouse, and no one is going to tee off, because it is storming.  I should be thankful I didn't get the FULL MONTY. 

I am a little upset about this. I park in front of the Clubhouse, dash in, and ring the bell for service, because all the employees are over on the restaurant side, getting ready for the BBQ. Well, who comes to the counter but the same little Miss Cutie Pie with the "IGNORANCE IS BLISS'' tattoo running up her inner left arm; the one who didn't have any large bucket of balls to sell for the driving range, because she hadn't bothered to refill them in her spare time, from the bigger bucket sitting on the floor. What does that tell you?  That she has the RIGHT tattoo for her?  I proceed to tell her what I just witnessed.  She draws a total blank on her face, (surprise!) and goes to get her supervisor (I assume, or the Clubhouse Manager). They make appropriate tut! tut! sounds but don't really say much.  I gesture and point outside, saying 'The guy is right there! What kind of place is this, where your patrons MOON other patrons?"  I receive more non-commital answers, and more TUT! TUT! noises, so I drop it. Of course, Miss "Ignorance is Bliss" doesn't know how to credit me on my card, so she gives me back the cash. Not a problem, in the grand scheme of things, because what the heck, after all, I have just been mooned! This man just committed an act of public nudity. Can't you be fined or arrested for that%

I leave the Clubhouse, jump into my car, and proceed to drive out. Who is just backing out of the little lane, next to the little white picket fence, in his golf cart, looking as innocent and nonchalant as can be? None other than MR. BIGHAIRYUGLY ASS!

I so want to roll down my window and give him a piece of my mind, but you know what? I didn't! I actually can't believe that I didn't tear a piece off him. If I had, I might have been as ugly in my words, as he was in his behaviour.  I didn't want that.  As my morning quote on Facebook read this morning - "I don't like to think before I speak.  I like to be just as surprised as everyone else, by what comes out of my mouth!"  I might have surprised myself TOO MUCH!