The five « Fs » of flying!

Erica Jong wrote the book « Fear of Flying » eons ago.  I can’t even remember what it was about,but I think it was about sex.  This isn't about SEX, but that title came to mind as I reflected upon my MY latest cross country odyssey by plane.  I have come to the conclusion that there are at least five “F” words one can use for descriptive purposes, when flying.  Actually, there are six, but I will not drop the “F” bomb here.

I decided to bring my son a treat when I flew out to Edmonton recently to visit. I brought him two fresh and delicious Baie de Chaleur lobster.  I was supposed to only have a six and a half hour trip, all told, but of course, my trip took me FIFTEEN and a half hours. Was I worried about that lobster, sitting in the cargo section in Montreal alone, for over seven hours? You bet!   Was I worried about having to throw over $50 worth of lobster and packaging into the GARBAGE? YOU BET!  I am a frugalista, after all.  I missed my connection in Montreal, because my flight was late leaving.  This happens to me ALL the time.  Worry is another word for FEAR!  FEAR is what I experience every time I fly out of my little hometown airport. As it turns out, my FEAR is or my FEARS are...usually justified.

My AC Aeroplan ticket, from the time I purchased it in February, was changed NO LESS than FOUR times, due to time changes, plane changes (thank you MacDonald Douglas!) and a complete REBOOKING, because my original flight simply ceased to exist.  When I knew at the airport before departure, that I had ALREADY missed my connection in Montreal, the ticketing agent WOULD not reschedule me, saying Aeroplan had to do it.  I stepped away from the counter and called Aeroplan, where their agent informed me that indeed, she DID have to reschedule me.  Well, back I went to the counter, where I handed over my phone, having told Aeroplan to tell AIR CANADA what to do.  He did, and she did it, and I got rescheduled, albeit with a layover of over seven hours in Montreal, instead of an hour and a half.  FRUSTRATION!  I froze on the four hour flight to Edmonton because the air conditioning wasn’t working properly.  The lights on my side of the plane didn’t work so I could NOT read my book.  I couldn’t use the flashlight on my phone, because my battery was low and I hadn’t brought my solar charger. FRUSTRATION!  I couldn’t access in-flight entertainment because I hadn’t brought my IPAD, nor had I downloaded the AC Rouge app for movies.  Reason?  I was NOT supposed to fly AC Rouge. FRUSTRATION!   I couldn’t sleep because the young baby right across the aisle from me, cried on and off during the ENTIRE flight.  He also cried NON-STOP the entire LAST hour of the flight; he was inconsolable.  I was TOO at that point, and would have gladly CRIED and SCREAMED as well, if I thought I could get away with it. This flight was turning into THE longest flight of my life.  How do you spell FRUSTRATION???? That little fella' was only expressing what I could NOT.  Poor little soul, he wasn’t much older than my granddaughter.

ENOUGH of the negative.  I was able to fly almost clear across the country without a seat mate, so I had lots of extra room. FUN!   My AC Altitude 50K status allowed me to check three suitcases free of charge. FUN! That same status allowed me to spend seven hours in the Maple Leaf Lounge, eating, drinking, chatting, reading, and sleeping, ALL free of charge as well.  FUN! FUN! FUN!

That same status gave me priority boarding, so I was one of the first seated on that four hour flight to Edmonton.  I immediately noticed that the male flight attendant who was checking the overhead bins, had his zipper UNzippered, shall I say. It was pretty hard not to notice, seeing as everyone’s waist was at MY eye level.  No w*a*y was I telling him that he was flying low, so I leaned across the aisle, and asked the father of the crying baby, (who hadn’t started crying yet... the baby that is, NOT the father!) ... would HE please tell the flight attendant that the latter’s BARN DOOR was open?   Well, the father smiled, then laughingly said he would do it. However, the father kept looking at me conspiratorially and chuckling, so that when he finally called the young man over to discreetly tell him, I think the flight attendant was aware, because his hands were suddenly crossed in front of him, hiding his zipper.  I by then had collapsed into fits of laughter, which I tried to hide by bending over and hiding under my seat. It was just too FUNNY!!!

In the space of less than twenty fours, and on the SAME day, I was able to see my granddaughter on her FIRST birthday at my home in NB, say goodbye to her and her parents as they headed home to NS, then fly almost to the other end of the country, and hug my son and daughter-in-law, just before midnight! FANTASTIC!!! Cost of my ticket? $152! FABULOUS!!!

MILLE MERCI AEROPLAN, AIR CANADA ET AC ALTITUDE 50K

pour cette belle aventure!

PS: Thanks to great packaging by McLeans Fish Shop, the lobster remained fresh and delectable.

PPS:  The return trip was done in less than half my traveling time on the outbound,  but ... my two suitcases decided to stay in Montréal a little longer. Not a big deal!

Do you know what happens...

when you put a pen on top of your microwave?  It rolls OFF, and down into the toaster. When you repeatedly try to pop your bread down to toast, and you finally look inside the toaster...lo and behold, you see that the pen has MELTED into the slotting tray. You spend a good fifteen minutes trying to dislodge the pen, and readjust the slot, which is all bent to you-know-what.  Your toaster works, but one side doesn't toast properly, of course!

when you assume that what you see hanging from the showerhead is to clean the shower? Well, that white, gauzy, long piece of cloth was NOT to clean the walls of the shower/tub.   It was my friend's exfoliating cloth!!!! Oh dear! Good job she was able to rinse it out, was NOT too upset, and was relieved to know that I hadn't actually scrubbed the tub with her cloth.  How do you spell CHAGRIN?  Many times over!!!

when you wear new white pants and a white top, to a lobster dinner?  Never mind that you wear a bib, and that you remain seated the entire time you eat your delicious lobster. When you stand up and go to the washroom at the end of the meal, to clean up those sticky hands and forearms, several women rush over, all concerned, to tell you that you have "TOMALLEY" on the back of both your upper legs!  You know, that green stuff.  Holy Moly AND tomalley! How did that happen? No amount of washing gets that green guck off completely.  Darn it, I was sure I had EATEN it all!

when you take a little eight year old girl to the movies for the first time in her life, and the movie is  "Aladdin" in 3D?  She has a smile from ear to ear the entire time.  It is such a wonderful, magical evening.  I don't think I have ever enjoyed a movie so much, since the time I took my children to see Ghostbusters 2.  My five year old daughter was enthralled, but my seven year old son was terrified and ended up sitting in my lap for most of the movie. :)

they make a mistake at the grocery checkout and don't give you the correct sale price? One bag of salad was entered at the sale price, but not the second one. When I returned to the store, I was refunded the $6.00 charge and the bag was free.  So... two big bags of prepared salads cost me $1.00 each.  Pretty sweet, I say!

Speaking of sweet...what happens when you taste your first wild strawberry of the season?  You taste a little bit of heaven. 

May your summer bear only the sweetest fruit.

BON ÉTÉ À VOUS TOUS! 

We will never know the REAL STORY....

Ahead of us, on a winding, slightly hilly two lane highway, we could see a shape ahead.  We couldn't make out what it was.  I thought it was someone pushing a bicycle, since the incline was steep for biking. Then I thought "No, it is someone pushing a stroller." We all speculated, as our driver Rose slowed down and amidst much chatter between the five of us, decided to pull over ahead of this person.  

We were five friends on our way back to North Rustico, from Cavendish, PEI, where we had spent a few glorious hours on the beach, and had a picnic in PEI National Park.

When we finally came upon the person ahead of us, we realized it was a young man PUSHING a huge suitcase, topped by a small backpack.  What the heck? We are in the middle of nowhere, between Cavendish and North Rustico.  What was he doing PUSHING a large suitcase? He wasn't even HITCHHIKING!

Turns out this twenty three year old young man was from Osaka, Japan. His name was Tsubasa Wada.  He had come to Canada to study English in an international school in Toronto. He had been in Canada for about a month and was returning to Toronto, after a three day stay on the island.  He was catching a 7:00 pm WestJet flight out of Charlottetown, back to Toronto.  But Tusbasa was WALKING!!!!!! It was 2:00 in the afternoon. He NEVER would have made it.

His English was basic at best.  Rose said, "Joanne, tell him to hop in and we will give him a lift to the nearest gas station."  So he threw his HUMONGOUS suitcase into the back of the Ford Escape, and took my place.  I hopped into the trunk, along with his suitcase. It was a short ride to North Rustico, and I was quite happy to oblige.

While we were doing this, Rose checked out the mileage to Charlottetown on her Garmin, and said "Why don't we JUST drive him to the airport? It's only 44 kilometers from here." We all agreed that was a great idea.  I informed him that I wouldn't have to teach him to hitchhike after all.  He was getting a lift.   He was so thrilled, all smiles and so thankful.

We dropped off one girlfriend at the cottage, so I could get out of the trunk, and we headed to the Charlottetown airport.  Rose couldn't believe THAT was the airport, when we got there, since it is your typical small town, East Coast airport - one small building! 

During the drive, we had time to chat with Tsubasa. Inquiring as to WHY he was in walking from Cavendish to Charlottetown, yielded the following answer.  He had come to visit a friend, and that friend couldn't drive him back to the airport.  Huh?  Some friend, that would leave him WALK his way back to Charlottetown. No help getting a cab,shuttle, bus or lift? He had been on the road for two hours, and NO ONE had stopped and inquired as to whether he needed a ride, help, or whatever.  That is so sad!!

Anyway, this story is getting too long. Suffice to say, we had fun, we did a good deed, and hopefully that sweet young man will remember the FIVE, sixty-something women who picked him up that beautiful, sunny day. We gave him a bottle of water, two granola bars and each a BIG HUG!  He would make his flight with four hours to spare.

We five are ALL mothers, and four of us, grandmothers.  We will never know his REAL story. However, no one wants to see their son, or grandson, daughter or granddaughter in such a predicament, in a strange, new country.  We did the right thing!  Besides, he was just SO FRIGGIN' cute!!!  

Life is FULL of OUCH and AWE moments!

What are some of my OUCHES?   Snow on my favourite walking trails in mid-May.  Having to wear a winter coat in MID-MAY.  Scraping my car windshield in mid-May.  Notice how ALL these ouches are weather related?

OUCH: Vimy dropping a boom in my living room. It wasn't his fault. He wasn't able to get out on one of our long hikes, to do his business, because of the rainy weather.  We all know dogs prefer to do their business elsewhere.

AWE:  Well, kind of.  I sat not six feet away from the bomb, and ate my dinner.  I only noticed it on my way to close the window curtains later on.  Sometimes it IS okay to have very little sense of smell. 

OUCH:  I had a very bad tooth infection recently, which lead to three days of popping tylenol, then getting heavy duty antibiotics, and being told my options were an extraction, or a root canal and crown.  Approximate cost, out of my pocket, since I don't have dental insurance?  $1,500.00

AWE:  Being able to AFFORD that root canal and crown, and NOT having to opt for the extraction, as my only choice.   

OUCH: Going out for a drink with a friend, to a pub that has a reputation for being a bit of a dive.  I didn't even want to take Jiminy, since my car can be seen a mile away, and I didn't want anyone to know I was in that pub.  Isn't that terrible? 

AWE: Finding it to be a cosy, friendly place where having put $5.00 into a gaming machine, I won $90.00 right away! Plus walking away with that money in my pocket. :)

OUCH: Doing a twelve kilometre hike in the pouring rain.  

AWE:  Hiking in that rain with my eighty year old dear uncle, doing only a thirteen kilometre segment of his 335 km pilgrimage.

AWE: Receiving a long hand written letter from an old friend.  

AWE: Receiving regular long distance phone calls from an old boyfriend from your university days, thereby keeping in touch the old-fashioned way... 

AWE!!!  In my neighbourhood, seeing three bright gold helium birthday balloons, tied to a front entrance railing.  One was the number ONE and the other two.  TWO zeroes that is.  Someone is celebrating 100 years on this earth!  How awesome is that? That person was born barely six months after the end of WW1.  

Fortunately, for me, life has been a series of many, many AWE moments.  I think if we look hard enough, we can take many of those OUCH moments, and make them AWE ones. Here is wishing you many, many of those AWE moments.  

Why is it that...

we Canadians are SOOOOO polite?  After two months with an infected finger, I decided to go to an after-hours clinic.  I apologized to the young physician for taking up valuable time with such a banal issue and she replied, "We are paid to do this. YOU are the third one to apologize for coming here tonight".  Since they only take 15 patients, I guess that means 20% of us are typical Canadians, that is to say, polite AND apologetic? 

Vimy, after he has dropped a bomb on someone's lawn, feels he has to aerate the lawn as well?  The front paws are fast and furious, as he digs up the grass, e-v-e-r-y SINGLE time.

Vimy has to bark at every little sound in the street, especially when Sophie is just going down for a nap, so we both get banished to the basement? :)


people will stoop to scoop their dog’s poop, but leave the bag behind on the ground?  If you can do that, why can’t you take it with you, until you come upon a garbage can?  FRANCHEMENT!

you can always manage to find something to break, or if NOT break, screw up in some way, when you are visiting family or friends?  Somehow, I managed to get the cover of the Magic Bullet into the receptacle, but in my usual klutzy way and without realizing it, notched it in incorrectly.  I have NO idea how that happened.  My daughter was able to remove the capsule type cup cover, AFTER fiddling with a knife for half an hour.  It works, but I broke a notch on the rim, so you have to keep your hand on the cover, it so it doesn't pop out.  Only me!!

babysitting nowadays involves so much technology? A baby monitor that is a camera, a machine that makes white noise, another machine that warms up baby bottles, to name a few?  Technology is great when it works well, but NOT when you spend a half hour trying to figure out why you can't see your granddaughter sleeping in her crib. Well, in this case, it wasn't my usual bungling when it comes to gadgets of any kind.  The camera had been perched on a pile of books that had toppled over, and the video camera ended up upside DOWN on the far side of the dresser.  That explains why I kept seeing what looked like an upside down closet.  IT WAS!!  I crept into her room, found a less precarious perch for the robot camera, which I managed to do without tripping over anything, and also without waking up a VERY light sleeper. 

As a postscript to my mug shot with a bottle of French's ketchup, which was spread all over the national news online, the Saturday before Easter - here are a few comments from friends that made me laugh out loud!  Merci mes amis! Je vous aime.

💖💖💖💖💖💖

"Did you know that Heinz ketchup has a CONTRACT out on you? Yeah, death by stoning!  STONING BY TOMATOES. That is, if they can KETCHUP to you!!! 

+ versus - / Love versus Hate

I was wondering what to blog about this week, since I haven't had any real misadventures.  I can hardly count my budding daffodils being covered in snow as a misadventure, now can I ? However, I can thank my cousin's daughter, Christine, and her post "DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!", for my ramblings this week. 

I know we live in a very NEGATIVE world, where we hear nothing but bad news all day long, from all over the world.  It is hard to keep your perspective and remain upbeat, against this constant bombardment of catastrophes, horrors, disasters, and vitriol.  I also realize that as we age, we tend to complain more.  Is it because we feel entitled? Why aren't we expounding on what we "LOVE", instead of lamenting about every little thing that we DO NOT like?

Case in point? One of my neighbours with whom I stopped to chat for a few minutes yesterday, brought me up-to-date on his wife,  who had had a heart attack this winter, had a stent put in and recovered.  However, she had just come out of the hospital this past week, after ANOTHER surgery.   I remarked on how wonderful it was that she was out and about, and seemingly well.  "Weren't we fortunate to live in a city, where our hospital has been ranked by the American magazine Newsweek, as being fifty-third of the top one hundred hospitals in Canada, and TOP in NB?"  His reply?  "Oh yes, the doctors, but some of those nurses!"   I tried to continue in a positive vein, adding that we have a shortage of nurses and it is a very difficult job.  He wasn't having any of it.  On and on he went, complaining and lamenting. I knew he was worried about his wife, but why couldn't he just be THANKFUL, and happy for the outcome?  I had had enough at the point where he complained about having to bring his wife her breakfast, because they didn't know how to boil an egg!  Can you believe it?  My retort?  "Well, do you have a $100,000 medical bill, for the care your wife received? You would if you lived in the US."  He didn't like that, and turned away, adding, "I worked for thirty nine years and paid my taxes for that care." Well, good for him, but so have many people.  I wanted to, but REFRAINED from throwing in my own parting comment, "Thousands of Canadians have never had children, nor driven a car, but they paid their taxes for our schools and roads.  You don't hear them complaining."  NEGATIVITY BEGONE!!    


This is but one example of ALL the negativity I have noticed. Why am I more aware?  It is because I myself have been guilty of this negativity.  It can be contagious.  I was having a pity party around Easter time, lamenting to myself that I hadn't been with either of my adult children at Easter, in at least seven years, if not longer. I was dwelling on what I DID NOT have, instead of appreciating what I DID have. What DID I have?  I enjoyed a delicious Easter dinner with two of my wonderful brothers, two great sisters-in-law, my darling eighty-five year old mother, my adorable youngest nephew, and a dear friend, all gathered around the table.  The delightful presence of several deer on the front lawn after dinner, and enough chocolate to open our own "Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory!", and it was like I had been given a slap up the head!  Negativity ... BEGONE!

Yesterday I attended a very unique event.  I went to a birthday party, however it was NOT just ANY birthday party.  It was a birthday party for twins.  How old are these twins? NINETY years old!  I felt so privileged to be able to join in this life affirming celebration.  Positivity, 💞 and joy, as four generations gathered under one roof, permeated every corner of that room.  NO NEGATIVITY here!

LIFE is such a gift, and we must celebrate it every day, in EVERY way.  Forget the long, hard winter.  Forget your aches and pains, physical and mental.  EMBRACE the good health that you do have.  Focus on the good in your life, what you HAVE, not what you don't have.  Talk about the good.  Do for others.  Be positive and just as importantly, do what makes YOU happy!

True confessions of ...

a supply teacher in your typical, Canadian elementary school, as follows:

Walking down a primary school corridor, at recess time, when the children are getting dressed to go outside, is like running a gauntlet! Heaven forbid, you should be trying to grab a quick snack AND make it to the washroom.  That is one LONG corridor. 

Madame, can you zip up my coat?
Madame, can you help me find my mittens?
Madame, are you eating the skin on that kiwi? I nodded yes.  GROSS!
Madame,you can't eat kiwi.  Oliver is allergic to kiwis.  ME: Where is Oliver?  
He's upstairs. 
WHAT? Forget that.  I continued to eat my kiwi, miraculously making it back to my classroom, and to the washroom.  

Kindergarten:

Carly:   I was in a daycare where they spoke French, but then my mother moved me to another one, and they don't speak French to me there. But I THINK I am getting the hang of it. 

Sam- I puked at home yesterday.  But it didn't hurt my belly.  It only hurts in the belly for babies and I am not a baby.  (I had to send this brave little one home an hour later; he was as white as a ghost and had a fever. :(

Anna-  I don't know why my little brother likes me.  ME:  He is your brother.  He loves you. 
NO! I don't know why he BITES me!  (Oh dear, I guess my hearing is going.)

ME: Do you know what this letter is Brittany?  Brittany: HELL, no!

While waiting for the bus at the end of the day, little Cole says, "Look, I am doing slits!"  He meant "splits", but of course, that is hard to say when your two, top front teeth are missing. 

Grade One: 

After I admonished Tristan for throwing objects around in the classroom during indoor recess, he justified his actions by telling me, "I play basketball!"

Eric, after bumping his head under a table, albeit lightly it seemed to me, declared twenty minutes later, "I see stars!"

Grade One French Immersion:  Makayla:  J'ai écrit ton nom. When I repeated her sentence, correctly saying "J'ai écrit MON nom.", she giggled and said, "You TRICKED me!"  

ME:  Get your agendas and line up at the door.
Sadie: We don't line up.
ME:  With me you DO!
Sadie: Yup, and YOU'RE the boss!

At dismissal time,when the children board the bus, I always say good bye in six or seven languages, which elicites glares, stares, comments, and repetitions.

Yesterday, however, I wished them a "Happy Easter!  Joyeuses Pâques!"

Xavier, with a smile and glancing back over his shoulder, replied:

I don't DO French! 

Well, on that note, and whether you do DO French or NOT, Happy Easter - Joyeuses Pâques - Feliz Pascuas... to all my faithful readers. May your 

EASTER be a symbol of hope, renewal and new life.