Musings on Midlife's Misadventures

DAMN, DAMNED, DAMNIT AND DAMMING!

It is so wonderful to be BACK in the world of the LIVING!! It is so marvelous to not have your head feel like a ton of bricks resting on your shoulder, with another ton of bricks pressing on your chest. It is so incredible to not have your teeth hurt! Sinusitis is such a B@&$!

I was beyond excited to escape from home this weekend, by going to visit friends in big salmon country. We attended a fancy Valentine evening event, complete with a scrumptious four course meal, and prize draws galore. I never won a D*A*M*N thing! Dinner was followed by dancing. It was a superb evening! The weather was a positively balmy the next day and I enjoyed a three kilometre walk with Vimy.... my longest trek in three weeks, before heading back home. I also splurged and bought something BRAND NEW... a rare occurrence for this frugalista. I bought a pair of Nival winter boots. No more wearing my daughter's old snowmobile boots when I am on recess duty. Those boots were only 23 years old after all.

A quick visit with Mamacita on my way home, coupled with a few errands and I roll into my driveway at dusk. I am in such a DAMN fine mood! I am thinking, "Some lovely leftover seafood chowder for supper, along with a glass of red wine, and maybe I can indulge in a binge session of Season One of X-Company." Life is good!!! My friend J's thoughtful husband had just downloaded all three past seasons for me, onto a USB stick and presented me with this unexpected gift, as I was leaving.

I walk in to my house, and the first thing I do is close my dining room blinds. As I do this, I notice yellowish stains on my radiator beneath the window. I look up and well, I'll be DAMNED... I have water dripping from the upper framing of the window.

I know right away it is ICE DAMMING.... DAMNIT! We have had so much rain, followed by freezing temperatures, and more snow, that there is ice build up of at least SIX inches thick on my roof, and in my gutters. If today hadn't been so mild.... DAMNIT!

I phone a friend who is ALWAYS an angel of mercy. He assures me he has nothing planned this evening and will come over to have a look as quickly as he can. I rush over to my "vecina's" side of the house, to borrow her ladder and roof snow scraper. For the next 45 minutes I proceed to clear as much snow as possible off my roof and hers. She too has water coming into her house. I am so mad that I have energy to burn, and use that fury to keep attacking that snow and ice, until I give myself a blister.

A.O.M. arrives with a small hachet, climbs the ladder and proceeds to chip away at this massive layer of ice. More than an hour later, I now two DAMN drips, and he has come to the conclusion that our entire roof will have to be de-iced and de-snowed! He calls a friend who is in the business. Said friend will come over tomorrow and give me an estimate. He assures me a lot of people are having the same problem Vecina and I are having.

It is now after 9:00. A.O.M. comes in for a hot chocolate, but I, DAMNIT, am having that glass of red wine. I skip the chowder and the binge fest on X-Company of course. I am in bed by ten, and what do I hear? I don't want soggy, wet floors tomorrow, so I put tin cans on the window sill to catch the drips. What do I hear? The pings of the drops hitting the tin bottom. DAMN Chinese water torture!!!

NB: Tomorrow is now today. I received a reasonable quote, so we told the contractor to go ahead. Two men have been shoveling snow, and hacking away at ice, for about four hours now. What a relief! No more drips. All is well again... but of course, he tells me the roof is shot! I will worry about that down the road. Such is life! I have put out yesterday's fire. I am DAMNED HAPPY!
Now if I could JUST find my DAMN partial.

Countdowns, counting and tally marks!

No, this blog has nothing to do with math in school and has e+v+e+r+y+t+h+i+n+g to do with just day-to-day life.

COUNTING DOWN 13 DAYS!!! To departure with my hermanita (little sister) for an awesome seventeen day adventure. Stay tuned!

FOUR DAYS AND COUNTING : Out of seven teaching days, four days have been snow days. We are getting smacked down with blizzards and big dumps of snow every time we turn around. Such is February on the east coast. Thank goodness it is a short month.

TALLYING: Nineteen days that I have had THE worst sinusitis I have ever had, in over four years. Neddi pot, ginger inhalers, nasal sprays, Advil Cold and Sinus, honey lozenges, Vicks, essential oil drops..... you name it, I have tried it. The BEST? Hot buttered rum before bed!! This delicious drink is due to the generosity of my Camino walking partner, who stocked my bar before she got sick, returning home sooner than expected because of her own HUGE misadventures.

EIGHT HUNDRED AND EIGHT!

Number of pages in one of the two books I read.

SEVEN!

Number of kleenex boxes I went through.

LOSING COUNT!

Of those who have watched out for me: i.e.

J & J, friends passing through town who stopped to take Vimy for a walk, put supper in the oven, set the table, and drop by at work to give me a big hug. How did they know which school I was at? They spotted Jiminy Cricket a mile away!

My Vecina (neighbour), who put out my garbage, checked on me, gave me food and magazines, bought me extra kleenex boxes, ran errands for me, took my dog for the afternoon, took him for walks with hers.... s-o-o-o-o many tally marks there. :)

A friend who shoveled out my drifted in front door, plowed my driveway, unplugged my kitchen sink, and sent me encouraging messages every day, extolling the virtues of lemon.

Friends who knew to call when I was having a BIG "pity party", and cheered me up to no end.

My hermanita doing ALL the work and planning for our upcoming adventure, while giving me continuous pep talks about resting, and taking time off work.

Once again, I repeat myself. I AM BLESSED!!!

One of THE most ROMANTIC places in Canada....

is Bathurst, NB? Did you know that? Expedia says it is so, so it must be true!! Fourth in a list of fourteen. They really don't say enough but check it out!

https://travelblog.expedia.ca/14-romantic-places-canada/

I think that is wonderful, and true, but maybe NOT SO TRUE in the depths of winter. What would be TRUER? COLD, COLDER, COLDEST! We have been smacked with so many minus thirty Celsius mornings, I have lost count. Days on end, at school, the kids can't go out for recess. We know schools are a cesspool of germs, so of course, everyone is sick with .... COLDS.

I should have known that teaching in four different schools, in four days, in double sized classes of Kindergarten (37), Grade 2 (36), Grade 3 classes with 26 students in each, was going to quadruple my exposure to that infamous L-I-N-E we teachers all know - THE MUCOUS LINE! My hands were right there all the time. It doesn't matter how many times you wash those hands, they are in contact with those little heads! So of course,... I came down with a really bad cold, that has morphed into a major sinus infection.

It has been two weeks, and I am totally miserable, cranky, tired, fed-up, écoeurée au bout! Sorry about the franglais. I don't know how people with chronic illnesses face each day. I R-E-A-L-L-Y don't. There are days I just want the earth to open and swallow me up, or swallow everyone else up, because I have no patience for anyone or anything.

Do things quiet down when you are sick? Not...a.....chance! Your Camino walking partner, who is staying with you for six days, while visiting her mother, disappears one day. She doesn't come home that night, and she doesn't call. I start to worry around 9:00 pm. Turns out she had ended up at the hospital all day in Emergency, in major pain, and was shipped to the CHI for emergency surgery that evening. I only get less than the bare facts from her poor mother, who calls me at 10:00, but is so "discombobulated", (to quote her daughter later), that I go to bed wondering where she REALLY is and what has REALLY happened. I don't want to call her husband in Michigan, and worry him, if he doesn't know. According to the mother, he doesn't know. I find out later the next day, after her hubby and I have tracked her down, that ALL HE knew was that she was at the hospital, because VISA had notified him of a large debit on his card. Can you imagine? He went to bed like I did, wondering where and what had happened to his wife. Why hadn't my friend called? The battery on her phone was dying. She was trying to conserve it. So no one knew where my friend was, except her elderly mother, who was exhausted and overwrought, having spent eight hours in Emergency with her daughter. Everything ended well, but HOLY JEEPERS PEOPLE.... call, or text! It only takes a minute to let people know where you are are, especially when it is at the HOSPITAL!!!

I guess I S*H*O*U*L*D thank my Camino walking partner, for making me much more aware of how important it is for people to know where you are; it is especially so for those of us who live alone. Posting on FB doesn't cut it here! So check on your elderly neighbours and family. Anything and eveything can happen, and in these deep, dark days of winter, we are all vulnerable.

SO.... I will end on the romantic note on which I started, with a slight bow to that most CRASS, COMMERCIALIZED, AND MERCHANDIZED DAY of the year... VALENTINE'S DAY - EL DIA DE LOS ENAMORADOS. Don't buy anything! Just GIVE lots of hugs that day. They are better for you than chocolate. Honestly!!! PS: Make sure they last SEVEN seconds.

LES PETITS BOUTS DE CHOU sont drôles en français aussi!

En Maternelle:

Maxime: Jésus est dans notre tête,nos yeux, notre corps. Jésus n'a pas pas peur de rien.
Moi? ''Amen!!''

Quand j'ai dit à une petite, pour une raison quelconque, que j'étais vieille, voilà ce qu'elle m'a répondue: ''Toutes les vieilles sont petites. Ma grandmère est vieille comme toi, et elle est petite.''

Lucie: Tu es qui aujourd'hui? Mme.Guylaine?
Moi - Oui!
Lucie: HEY, j'sus BONNE hein?

Moi: Je m'appelle Mme D.
Gemma: C'est qui ça?
Moi: C'est moi!
Gemma: (Tout étonnée!) OH!!!

''Elodie et Angélie sont jumelles,'' déclare une petite en Maternelle. Une autre petite répond,''Oui, elles vont à la même maison le soir, après l'école.''
Moi - ''Ah, c'est la raison qu'elles sont jumelles? Elles descendent de l'autobos à la même place!'' Leur réponse unanime? "OUI!!!"

Paul ''Comment est-ce qu'ils s'appellent tes enfants?'' Je lui réponds. Prochaine question: ''Est-ce qu'ils couchent ensemble?'' (Drôle de question celle-là!)

En 2e année:

Petite Laurie-Rose, en me voyant à son école, ''Es-tu ici pour ma classe? Je ne me rapellais pas si la petite était dans la classe de l'enseignante que je remplaçais, alors je lui ai posée la question ''Tu es dans quelle classe?'' Elle me répond,"La même!''

In light of the ice storm to hit our province recently....

I feel like such a traitor, posting this blog about a crazy, frustrating day last week. However, I guess it is all relative. Plus I need to vent!! Maybe some of you need a laugh? I am just wondering if other sixty-something people have days where it feels like you are on a perpetual merry-go-round? I thought life was supposed to slow down as we age...

My day started with waking up at 3:45 am, because of that CPAP machine hooked up to me. It is supposed to help my sleep apnea, but I just wake up even MORE often. I wasn't able to get much sleep after that time. I am SO NOT adapting to this machine, that I clench my fists when I sleep. Result? I had to buy a wrist-hand support. Couple that with my mouth appliance to keep me from grinding my teeth (apparently ALL teachers do!), and I have so much tubing, straps, Velcro and plastic on me when I go to bed, that even Vimy is afraid of me! Not to mention, but I will, that I look like a total ALIEN!! My friend Tracy just calls me ''Cyborg.''

I arrive at school, where the principal sweetly responds to a word I used in French, for ''filler'', by saying it is vulgar. W-E-L-L, you don't tell a language teacher that. I have used the word ''bouche-trou'' many times. I immediately checked three dictionaries. Only one said it could have a pejorative connotation. It means '' to fill a void left by a person'', which is what I am doing when I supply teach, right? Days are always crazy and busy, when you teach, but I won't even go into the rest of my school day.

After school, I had to run errands. I do want to get one thing straight. I HATE shopping! Yes, a woman who hates shopping. Rare? Maybe! Anyway, when I shop I have a purpose. I want to buy what I need and get out of there. Well, after work, I wasted precious time trying to find a suitable box for a gift, get a glove repaired, find a few sundry items nowhere to be found, and returning my fourth Cyborg mask. By now it is almost 5:00 pm.

I always make a point of taking Vimy out as soon as I get home, for at least a three kilometre walk. Well, in my haste, I forgot his bootees, and we had just rounded the corner, when he reared up on his hind legs, just like a prancing horse. Poor thing! There was so much salt and ice, it was cutting into his paws. Back to the house we went, to better outfit him!! Haste makes waste!

When we return, I am trying to get ready to go out for a supper to celebrate my ''Vecina's'' (neighbour Edith) birthday. In my haste and hunger, I just want to grab a little snack, so I pop open my canned jar of ''bar clams''. Of course, I somehow manage to spray myself with the juice from those clams. So now I S=T=I=N=K of fish, and have no time to change, because Vimy starts barking furiously, and in walks my thermo pump guy. I had called him earlier, about problems I was having removing the filter. So here I am up on a stool, trying to show him my problem, when my phone rings. I want to ignore it, but I know it is a ''work'' call, so I clamber down. For the umpteenth time I tell the dispatcher I don't accept half-day assignments. The other district ALWAYS ends up offering me a full day, and I need to work. Am I frustrated at this point? OMG! Give me a good Thuya gin and tonic!!

The day DID end on a lovely, celebratory note, so ...''Tout est bien qui fini bien''. I just think it would be nice to have a totally, totally boring, uneventful, calm day. Is that possible?

Cyborg 3

IT HAS BEEN AWHILE....

since I have shared the funny interactions I have had with children while teaching them. You must admit that, right?

So here are a few jewels from the past month.

KINDERGARTEN -

Colin - When I pulled him out of class for being aggressive with another child, looked at me with big brown eyes and said, ''How do I deal with my anger issue?''

When I exclaimed in class ''Oh là là!'', the same little fellow said, ''What does THAT mean?''

GRADE ONE -

Near Christmas, a Grades One class was really struggling to master this difficult ''seasonal'' tune for the Christmas concert. Their teacher was trying to stress how important it was that they practice every day and learn the lyrics. They had been practicing for a fair bit of time. One little fellow was getting pretty tired of this, and suggested, ''How about we just DO the concert?''

GRADE TWO -

I was reading a story to students, where the pirate character says, '' Shut-up you dogs!'' The kids ALL gasped in horror! Harmony summed it up for all of them when she stated emphatically, ''HE'S not following the code of conduct!''

While reading the same story, I came to a chapter entitled ''Vile Booty.'' We are talking PIRATES here, remember? Wondering whether they knew the meaning of the word, at this level, I asked. One little girl responded without any hesitation. ''Yeah!'' She then promptly lifted her backside off the floor and slapped it!! I SWEAR THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED!

Do you know what this word is? INCKIMIT? It was written by a Grade two student. Hint? You will find it in a gym. Give up? EQUIPMENT!

GRADE THREE -

I was gesturing toward my head, trying to explain to a child that I had to go home at lunchtime, when he finished my sentence by asking, ''To get your hair done?'' I had been about to say that I had to go get my Christmas hat. MY HAIR? I had JUST had it done the day BEFORE!

GRADE FOUR FRENCH IMMERSION -

Chelsea, explaining the following to me, said this in French, ''Ça c'est comme le dix temps. It took me a second to realize she meant, ''This is like the tenth time!'' Cute, eh?

OVERHEARD

A young special needs high school student, upon hearing Donald Trump had been elected, sweetly stated, ''Oh dear, I hope he isn't going to be rude!''

GRADE ONE -

Charles, who had to stay behind to catch the later bus, after his classmates had all left, told me he was allowed to play games on the classroom IPad, so I told him to go ahead. He then came back to me, IPad in hand, and informed me that the IPad needed to be charged. I asked him if he knew where the charger was. He replied that he didn't know. I laughingly replied, ''I am sorry, but I don't know where it is is either.'' This little half-pint, who isn't three feet tall, dropped his hands by his side, looked up at me, and very seriously stated, waving the useless IPad, ''You find this FUNNY?'' I certainly DID NOT! I NOW found it totally HILARIOUS. However, I kept a straight face, and went to borrow a charging cord. What else could I do?

The same little fellow, when I returned to the classroom, where he had been alone, was evidently startled, and blurted out, ''You scared the bird in my belly!''

AH..... MONDAYS!!!

Monday was to be ''Vimy'' day! I had to take him to the vet for his yearly shots, get him washed and go get his tags.

I knew my vet has a yearly clinic half an hour away from me, the first Monday after the holidays, on a first come, first served basis. I just couldn't remember the time. My sweet Mamacita called Friday, to tell me that the vet had left a message about the clinic. I have given them my cell number many times, but they STILL call my mother! She thinks it is at 9:00 am. I tried to call the vet's office repeatedly, all to no avail, because the line was busy all afternoon. When I finally did get through, they put me on hold. While holding, I got a robot generated call for a substitute assignment, so I took it, and in the process, LOST my hold. By now it was too late to call back. They are closed for the weekend. So I plan on being at the clinic at 9:15 Monday morning. Plenty early!

I arrive there at that time, and NO ONE is waiting. So I know right off the bat the clinic starts at 10.00 am. I kill time with Vimy, as we sit freezing in the car. Slowly, more people show up, and some start lining up at the arena doors at 10:00. I hustle out there too, because I was there first, so I figure my Vimy will be seen first. Other people think otherwise, but I worm my way up to the front of the line. I have NO SHAME, when I am self-righteous! It is -29 degrees with the windchill factor. FRIGID!!! The vet is late. (She is late every year, but I love her anyway!). Vimy, nervous and excited by all the other animals waiting with their owners, decides to make a H-U-G-E deposit right there at the front doors of the arena. I am NOT one bit mortified; I just think, "Franchement,Vimy, tu n'aurais pas pu attendre?" (I think in French f*i*r*s*t in these moments of crisis. :) I scoop the poop, and drop the bag in the snow, intending to pick it up on my way out. The vet arrives two minutes after ALL this excitement.

As we are the first ones going up the stairs to the waiting room, Vimy STOPS AGAIN on the landing, and has another BM! OMG! I yell ''Watch your step!'' by way of warning, to the stampede behind me rushing to get themselves and their animals inside where it is warm! I leave Vimy on his own and run into the waiting room, to make sure Vimy's papers are on TOP of the pile of patients waiting to be seen. Papers are my priority here, NOT poop! Another lady, with SIX cats, tries to put her dossiers on top of the pile, but I tell the vet assistants I was there first. This little old lady is TOTALLY fierce when she needs to be!

Then I dash back to the hallway to pick up Vimy's second deposit. Who is there but the VET! I scramble to pick up this second mess, and am about to use tissue to pick up the residue, when she tells me not to. Off she goes to get disinfectant wipes that can be flushed down the toilet. I run down the stairs, open the door and toss Vimy's second deposit out into the snowbank, beside his first one, leaving the vet, God bless her, (and per HER instructions), to get rid of the final evidence.

However, by the time I run BACK upstairs to the waiting room, VIMY has made ANOTHER DEPOSIT there. HIS THIRD! Albeit a small one. Small consolation! By now, I am thinking... "How much worse can this get?'' Along comes the vet AGAIN, with her disinfectant wipes; she scoops up everything. Vimy so traumatized by now, has gone into hiding under a chair, shivering, poor soul. I feel like joining him!!!!

The vet sees Vimy FIRST. I am sure by now, she just wants to get rid of us! Vimy has a needle stuck up his nose, and one in his backside in two minutes flat, and we are out of there. I am sure I am NOT the only one breathing a sign of relief as we depart. :)

I give him a good scrubbing at the dogie wash, and go clear across town to the SPCA, for his tags. It is closed. I take it in stride. So I have to come back. So what? All told, a semi-productive day has been devoted to the care of my constant companion. He deserves it too!

Come to think of it, I can count on the fingers of one hand, the times Vimy has made deposits indoors. Up until today of course. Now I can add three in five minutes, to that number!

My last blog of the year dealt with dogie do, and my first of the new year deals with the same issue. Do you think that means that my year is going to be s*h****?