Not the o*n*l*y Nounoune!

A friend says I shouldn't call myself a "Nounoune!"  Nounoune is French Canadian slang for a naive woman who can sometimes be a little stupid.  Why shouldn't I use that word?  I am laughing at myself and what is wrong with that? There is nothing wrong with self-deprecating humour.  Laugh at yourself and the world laughs WITH you, NOT at you.

Besides, I know I am not the only nounoune out there.  Evidence the following tales, which are all TRUE!

I know a real estate agent, who went to meet a potential client at her home.   The client's allergies were very bad, so she excused herself, to quickly run to the pharmacy to get her puffer prescription refilled.   However, while the client was out, she met up with a friend, and decided to join that friend for lunch, leaving the real agent sitting in her house, patiently waiting.  Can you believe it? The agent was smart enough to leave after waiting FORTY-FIVE minutes.  How can you forget someone is sitting in YOUR house and YOU are NOT there?

My sister-in-law, the artsy-crafty one, enjoys a toke now and then. While out walking, she decided to temporarily butt out her roach and stick it in her pocket, to finish up later.  She continued on her walk, when she suddenly felt her leg feeling rather warm. When she looked down, she saw smoke swirling around her pocket.  The simmering roach had burned a hole right through her pocket and was working its' way through the lining of her coat!  And I thought I was bad, losing a lip gloss in between my coat and its lining!

Someone else I know, rather than ask to take her leftover meal home from a restaurant, stuffed her pocket with leftover fish, wrapped in a napkin. She then TOTALLY forgot about it, and thus spent a day trying to find the source of the "fishy" smell that had suddenly permeated her house.

I know someone else who locked their keys in their car, not once, but TWICE in a two week period, Her very patient spouse came to her rescue each time.   How one manages to do that with a key-less remote is really beyond my comprehension. What do you do? Click to lock your car, open the door quickly, and throw your keys in?

Now, on a totally POSITIVE side, I have to tell you my ABSOLUTE BEST NOUNOUNE moment ever.  I manually balance my bank book against my bank statement, every month.     I know, I know!!! Who does that in this day and age?  Well, I have done it for forty-plus years, and I will keep doing it.  At the end of May I couldn't balance my bank statement.  Mind you, it was in my favour.  The bank statement showed that I had X number of dollars more in my account, than my records showed.  I racked my brains over this, and went over every debit carefully.  When I finally found the problem, it wasn't a debit; it was a credit.  I had debited the amount from my record book, intending to transfer to my savings, and then completely forgotten about it.   The amount?  NINE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!  My God, it was just like winning the lottery.  I am off to buy myself a new bike with my newfound money.  WHAT FUN!!

A teeny, tiny "Nounoune" story? Presenting a "FREE" coffee card from a MacDonald's, at a TIM HORTONS! 

Finally, this blog wouldn't be complete without adding another "poop" story.  I haven't had a poop tale to tell in a while, right?  Last weekend, I very carefully put on a bright, blue latex glove in order to pick up Vimy's very big deposit.   I then bent over, put my hand inside the poop and scoop bag, and very neatly picked it all up. Trouble was, the glove was on my left hand, and the poop bag in my right!

When you are in a hurry ...

any loo will do, even if it is only six inches off the floor!  Sorry about the toilet humour, but I have spent a lot of time in Primary lately, thereby explaining the running around, with no time to get to the "staff " washroom.

I have some little conversations to share.  They are precious, always.  With apologies for Google Translate, here is another bilingual posting.

Maternelle:

Quand j'ai dit à un petit que son coupe-vent ne le protégeait pas du froid, et que ses parents n'avaient peut-être pas pensé de vérifier la météo, il m'a répondu: "Y avions oublié."

Adèle: Regarde, ma dent est "loose!"
Moi: Ta dent est branlante?
Adèle: Non, ma dent est "loose!"

Right out of nowhere, May 23, one little looks up at me during circle time, and declares "J'ai hâte à l'hiver!"  WHAT?  Maybe the two inches of snow on the ground that day, had something to do with THAT remark.


1ère Année -

Carson: Es-tu Madame Pirouette?

Brody: J'ai juste la semelle de mon manteau.
Je pense qu'il voulait dire "la doublure amovible", de son manteau.

Anthony:  Je connais le Président des États-Unis. C'est Donald Trump. Il n'est pas toujours gentil.

Vanessa:  Le panda est "cute". Quand je lui ai suggéré le mot "chouette", au lieu du mot anglais "cute", elle m'a repliqué, "Il est cute aussi!"

Moi - Caleb, tu t'es lavé les mains avant de prendre ta collation?  Il rentrait de la petite récré dehors. Caleb - Non.  Je n'ai pas besoin.  Moi - Pourquoi pas? Tu t'es amusé dehors. Tu peux avoir les mains sales. Caleb - NON!  J'ai passé la récré en punition, le dos au mur.

Grade One:

After reading a story on honeybees, we went around the circle, the children naming their favourite sweet treats, - i.e. jujubes, candy, chocolate, and when we got to Benjamin? PIZZA!

When I asked the children to come up with a number story, Olivia started hers with the following: "Cameron gave me nine diamonds."   Now there is a girl who already knows what she wants!

Seeing a picture of Vimy on my phone, a little one exclaims, "By the way, le chien est "cute!"

MY FAVOURITE STORY OF ALL, and dare I say... "La plus cute?!"

Grade Two:  I had run down the hall one day at school, something we tell the children NEVER to do.  So, whenever this little fellow saw me, he always asked me the following question.  That day our conversation went a little further than usual.

C.J. - Madame, were you running in the halls today?

Me - You are NOT going to let me forget that I did that, are you?  I promise, I won't do it again.

C.J. - If you do, I will tell the principal.

Me - Oh dear! If you do that, maybe he won't let me come back here.

C.J. - Then, I will only tell him when I am in high school!

How do you think CJ made me feel? 

A precious commodity INDEED...

is a good night's sleep!  Did you know that three percent of Canadians suffer from sleep apnea?  You may have it and you don't know it.  If that is the case, then you are one LUCKY person.  Keep it that way!  Sleep apnea, defined as pauses in breathing during sleep, is making my life a living hell right now.

Ignorance is bliss, and I would be blissfully ignorant about this "apnea" if my daughter, with whom I went camping, hadn't told me out of concern, that I stopped breathing while sleeping.  So off I went to get tested.  Three times!  I didn't have any of the classic signs of sleep apnea, such as always being tired, or heavy snoring, or falling asleep at the wheel.  Yikes!   I certainly don't snore... well, unless I've imbibed a little more VINO than I should have, but THAT doesn't happen often.

I have had the CPAP (= continuous positive airway pressure) machine for eighteen months now.  In short, it blows puffs of air to wake me up when I stop breathing.  I have a DEFINITE HATE relationship with it.  There is no LOVE there whatsoever. The machine was supposed to give me a better night's sleep.  As it was, I was waking up in the middle of the night, unable to get back to sleep. Well, I am STILL waking up in the middle of the night.  I have put the machine aside for months at a time, out of total frustration.  Thank goodness my insurance paid 80% of the cost of the damn thing.  If I had had to pay it all out of my pocket, THAT would certainly explain WHY I am not sleeping.

I have gone from looking like a cyborg, to now looking like a T+O+T+A+L  alien. Getting ready for bed fills me with dread.  I am having problems adjusting to my fifth facial mask.  I have tried them all, and ended up buying the one you see in the picture. Wearing that mask sucks all the saliva out of my mouth.  I still wake up in the middle of the night, but now my mouth has collapsed into this dry suction cup!   Since my therapist wants to rule out a type of double sleep apnea, which occurs when you sleep on your back, causing your epiglottis to close, he wants me to wear what I call a slumber bumper.  This "BELT" which is velcroed around my waist, stops me from rolling over onto my back.  It doesn't matter that I tell him I have NEVER, EVER slept on my back.  He has to rule that out as being the problem with my mask. Frankly,  I don't understand any of this.

Along with my CPAP mask and tubing, accompanied by that damn "slumber bumper", I also add a dental appliance to stop me from grinding my teeth, as well as a hand brace that stops me from clenching my fists.  I am more DECKED OUT than the Brits were for Harry and Meghan's wedding!!!  What I wouldn't give just to hop into bed in my pj's and nothing more.

What really adds insult to injury with this "sleep apnea", is that I am the picture of total health otherwise. If you have sleep apnea, you are at a greater risk for heart disease, diabetes, ...you name it.  Well, I take no medication w-h-a-t-s-o-e-v-e-r; my blood pressure, cholesterol, glycemic levels, and body mass index, are ALL fine!!!  I just had them checked at a health clinic, after I did a 5K Fun Run.

To quote Alanis Morrissette, "Isn't it IRONIC?"

I would love to hear your CPAP story, if you have one that you care to share.

PS: I must be really missing Rick Mercer!

O*N*L*Y IN New Brunswick....

... do you have to heat your home in the morning, because the temperature went below 0 degrees Celsius.   By midday OF THE SAME DAY, you have to turn ON the air conditioning in your car, because the temperature has climbed to 26 degrees Celsius!

... one of Canada's poorest provinces, do ALL the students who notice I have a Fitbit, have an upscale version of mine. I have to ask them for the time! We are talking E-L-E-M-E-N-T-A-R-Y school here!

... can you split your forehead open, right between the eyes, on this piece of playground equipment, when you are in Kindergarten.  That is because you ARE NOT supposed to be able to WALK up to the upper part of this 'whatchamacallit", but in NB, you CAN!

... can you have a Mother's Day BBQ and Lobster Feed poolside, on May 13th, and the pool looks like this.

PLUS, it has at least six inches of ice in it.  I won't even mention the snow in the woods, on the other side of the fence.  Apparently we only had about seventeen feet dumped on us this past winter.  I PROMISE NOT to write anymore about winter.  ENOUGH SAID!!

It is so VERY easy to get attached to....

people, animals, places, moments, souvenirs, gifts, and objects.  One can even get attached to  clothing.  I know I am particularly attached to a black and red pair of pure woolen socks, which I purchased to hike El Camino three years ago. My son-in-law assured me they were an ABSOLUTE MUST, to protect my feet during that long 820 kilometres trek.  I had NEVER PAID $24.00 for a pair of socks before! That was almost obscene in my books!   I did buy them, albeit a little reluctantly. Well, he was so RIGHT! Those socks kept my feet blister free on The Camino.

Everytime I take them out to wear, they evoke memories of that wonderful journey.  With that in mind, I threw that pair of socks into Jiminy's back seat last Saturday.  I had a couple of bags, and Vimy, as well, that joined the socks.  I was only wearing Crocs and figured I would want something toasty and warm to put on my bare feet, once I arrived at my mother's.  It was such a cold and windy day.

I totally forgot about the socks when I got to my mother's place, and left them in the car, or so I thought.  Once I returned home, I brought in all my bags and took off again, to go hiking.  Not being able to quickly find them in the back seat, I figured the pair had slipped into one of my bags, which I would empty later.  So I grabbed another cheap pair close by.

The next day, I started seriously searching for my Camino socks, as I call them.  I scoured my house and car from top to bottom, looking for them.   I checked all floors and closets, Jiminy's interior and trunk, the laundry and the bags I had brought back from my mother's. I even emptied my big purse.  NOTHING!  A call to my mother, and her return call assured me that she TOO had searched her apartment high and low, and NOT found those darn socks.

Those socks were still on my mind, when I took Vimy for a short walk after supper.  I was looking down when all of sudden, THERE was a sock by the curb, just around the corner from my street.  It was wet, dirty, flattened and muddy, BUT it DEFINITELY looked like ONE of my missing pair.  I was gobsmacked!   I thought, "What is ONE sock doing here? How did it get here, one hundred metres away from my driveway?  Where is the other one? Is this even my sock?"  I picked it up, took it home, washed it, dried it and recognized it as INDEED, MINE!

I haven't been able to find the match, and I am STILL wracking my brains, trying to figure out HOW that ONE sock ended up where it did.  It just doesn't make sense!  It is driving me quasi crazy!!!  I never got out of the car, till I arrived at my mother's that day. I threw those socks into the back seat,so it isn't like they FELL out of the car. Besides, I am SO SURE I saw them land in the back seat.

So, I lost one of a great pair of socks. It's not like I lost it to the washer or dryer, otherwise known as "sock heaven." At least, THAT wouldn't be a mystery. Everyone knows that is where your socks go, when they disappear.  NOT MINE though!!

What happened to me, reminds me of what happened to my dear departed father.  Back in 1971, he put a door into the trunk of his car, and drove two kilometres down the road, to give it to his brother-in-law.  When he arrived there, the door had DISAPPEARED from the trunk of his car. YES, AN ENTIRE DOOR!!!  JUST LIKE THAT - POOF!  GONE!!!  Papa never was able to find out what happened to that darn door, just like I will NEVER find out what happened to my Camino socks.  Their adventure will remain unknown. :(



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I am ALL over the map...

AND the ditch, as it were, but MORE about that later.

Figuratively speaking, I will be all over the map with this blog.  This post will be a hodgepodge of anything and everything, which is pretty much how my brain is functioning these days, a jumble of this and that.

I don't know if it is the time change, the lingering winter, the sleeplessness or post Costa Rican blues, but my focus is just NOT the same.  I think I have spring fever in reverse.  THIS Stella is having a hard time getting HER groove back.  So follow me as I amble along in this blog, OR.... you know what to do!

New in my life?  These two things I had NEVER seen  together... a leaf rake being used to rake SNOW off a front lawn.  I have used a shovel, but NEVER a rake. I saw a clever lady doing just that on one of my daily walks with Vimy this week.

Something that should NOT be seen together?  Brand new, bright green blades of grass pushing up next to a HUGE snowbank of ice and dirty snow.

NOR should people be wearing tuques and gloves in MAY!  On yard duty at 8:00 am Wednesday, I had gloves on, because it was 4 degrees Celsius, and therefore, COLD!  At 11.30 am I was in the school yard again, and it was now 18 degrees Celsius.  Does that make sense?  The temperature went up to 21 degrees Celsius that day. The next morning?   3 degrees Celsius.  WTH?

A NOT so cute quote from a student in Grade Three this past week, when I asked students to tidy up the classroom at the end of the day:  "It's not YOUR class."  CHEEKY little thing!

One of four eggs hard boiled this morning, came out a solid caramel colour when peeled. I have NEVER seen an egg this colour.  Weird! I gave it to Vimy to eat.  I will eat dead lobster off the back of a truck, but an egg the wrong colour?  Nah!

To cheer me up on a cold, cloudy May day, I went tramping in ditches with Vimy.  In those ditches, I picked up all recyclables, such as empty Micky bottles of vodka, that are littering our beautiful neighbourhood.  I picked up a dozen of these little red bottles.  Did I mind that people might see this little, old,  white haired lady, up to her knees in ice, snow and water,in a ditch, picking up these bottles?   I didn't give a TINKER'S TOOT!  This garbage was hidden under the snow, but is now very visible everywhere, and very ugly.  Which makes me UGLY!! :)

So I DID end up standing in a ditch full of water, but at least I was not standing in four feet of water in my basement, like some poor New Brunswickers are right now, with the horrific flooding in the southern part of our province.  For ONCE, I am TRULY, and ETERNALLY grateful, that I live in the north!

DON'T sweat the small stuff...

How many times have you seen or heard that one?  Too many times, probably.  It bears remembering now and then, when you DO want to freak out over something, as I seem to have been doing a LOT lately. It must be all that snow still around; it has addled my brain.

When my son came home for Christmas from university, with his hair in PURPLE DREADLOCKS, did I get upset? NOPE!  I told myself it could be SO MUCH WORSE.

When my twenty year old daughter was dating someone who already had a child, did I get UPSET? NOPE!  I just hoped and prayed that she would have many more boyfriends. :)

Recently, when a banking error cost me over $125.00, did I get upset? NOPE!   Some of it was my fault, but it wasn't ALL my error.  What good would it have done though, to tear a strip off  the other person?   Rather, I told her the next time I was in town, I would take her out for lunch.

Admittedly, some small things are easier to "sweat" than others.  It is just that when it comes to children, it is harder to let go.  Case in point:  Despite repeated gentle promptings from me to eat his lunch, the little fellow wasn't touching his sandwich. When I asked him why, he showed me a mouldy corner. The bread was green.  The school has no cafeteria, so I rustled him up a Lunchmate, which isn't ideal, but certainly better than mouldy bread. I don't know the story behind that sandwich,  but I do know the child was living with the father, that week. Hopefully it was an oversight on Dad's part, and NOT because he couldn't afford fresher bread. I had to accept what happened, do what I could to improve the situation, and FORGET about it.  There are some things we NEVER forget though.

If you don't sweat the small stuff, when the REALLY BIG stuff comes along, you will be better able to deal with it.  Fortunately, I have been blessed in life, and I have had very little BIG stuff to sweat over.  A REALLY TERRIBLE, NEVER ENDING WINTER hardly counts. :)